APPG AI 2017 Santa Artificial Intelligence Challenge Winning Entry

In late November I received a fun email challenge from the UK All Party Parliamentary Group on Artificial Intelligence. A new but quite exciting group for me. Eager to participate, I decided to submit my solution in poem format.

The 2017 APPG AI Santa AI challenge requirements:

We think that Santa must be using AI:

• He clearly has a machine learning technology that captures our data to find out whether we’ve been ‘naughty or nice’. For example, he would be able to assess which good causes we give to, where we’re spending our free time, and the social network we keep.
• He knows what we want. Obvious Santa would be plugged in to Amazon and Ebay so he’d know which presents we’ve been eyeing up this year. And knowing our spending patterns he’d know what we can afford.
• With data analytics he would be able to map out the best global logistical route so that he can get down all those chimneys. Not to mention that his elvish workshop would be running very efficiently all year round through the effective use of AI.
• Through AI monitoring of energy markets he would also be able to source coal at the best price for those who haven’t behaved…

Drum roll, my poetic Santa AI submission:

Santa’s proprietary algorithms are making his list
Think of all the AI technology he’ll enlist
Using social media, criminal databases, Watson and checking it twice
Scoring mechanisms and machine learning to discover who’s naughty or nice
Combined weather, flight, navigation, satellite and sensory data from the ground
Every chimney, cookie, glass of milk or sherry left out for St. Nick will be found
From palace to shantytown
Santa Claus is coming to town
Cluster analysis unraveling partners, close family, friends and perhaps an acquaintance
Ensuring appropriate gift suggestions helping to preserve holiday patience
Web records, cookies, likes, comments, wish list and search history
Solving the what do you get the person who has everything mystery
Leveraging financial records, suggesting only what they can afford
Besides, no one enjoys spending money on thoughtful gifts ignored
Do you give to charity? Doesn’t have to be huge
Matching spending habits and banking statements, Santa’s AI can detect a Scrooge
Geolocation, time, date correlation
Positive points for volunteering at a charitable location
Analyzing beyond Facebook, Twitter and Reddits
Are there any hurtful comments, no edits?
Perhaps liked, circulated or jeered
Sentiment analysis to identify bullies or others feared
By correlating Elf on the Shelf and school grade reports
Applying cognitive computing to data imports
Santa’s workshop minimizes manufacture overruns
So the head Elf can concentrate on annoying his wife, writing Christmas Cracker puns
Automated analysis on predictive purchases and supply chain
Makes the Elves’ high output efficiency rate easier to maintain
Come Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen
All self-driving, autonomous Santa sleigh systems
Rudolf with his Navigational Open Source Evolutionary Computation (N.O.S.E) so bright
The team with real time, global logistics tools and data connectors took flight
But beware to naughty and not so nice
Santa’s self-guided, automated coal delivery system is quite precise
Or worse yet, don’t forget
No one might receive any of your AI gift suggestions leading to Christmas morning regret

What was my prize?

Brilliant, thought provoking topics and conversations with people at the forefront of AI, some House of Lords wine and an awesome Macho Macho Man dancing Rudolf the Reindeer.