ASIAN BACK ALLEY BARBER

Looking for a haircut in a foreign city

After 6 months it is time.. I have been walking in circles through Perth for over two hours now, but eventually I find it: a barbershop! When I walk in, the place is crowded with asians. I ask one of the girls: “Do I need an appointment or can I just walk in?” “Yes.. noooo.. no working” she answers.. And I know, this is going to be a tough one.

I take place on a thing that looks like a chair to me, and look around to set my expectations. Apparently I am going to leave this place with a pitch-black coupe ‘à la toilet brush’. “Sorry wash first” one of the girls says while pointing towards a dark room in the back. Now I am pretty sure the ‘barbershop’ is just a cover up for the sexy massage. But luckily I only have to wash my hair. Just before I take my place in the seat facing the mirror, I grab a magazine from the table. “This”, I point out, showing her a picture of Marc Wahlberg. And as she starts cutting like it’s the devil’s last way to prank me, I slowly start to look like Jim Carrey in ‘Dumb and dumber’. And I feel dumb, or maybe even dumber… I try to give her my best directions, but this is a one way ticket to failure. But, I count my blessings when I realise I still have two caps, bought in Indonesia.

When she is finished, I am not, I was really hoping for a happy ending here! So I ask her, cut some more on this side, leave this long and I start to panic when she grabs the razor. “NO! Just cut. Like this”, and I show her how to cut hair. When we finally approach the state of a masterpiece, she decides it’s enough. “Thank you. Finish.” she says. And just before I walk out I take a snapshot of the cover with Marc still smiling, probably because he didn’t go to a back-alley asian barber. Outside I try to take a picture of myself because I have to laugh out loud. I think we exactly met half way. And halfway between Jim Carrey’s Dumber and shiny Marc Wahlberg is, apparently, Ricky Gervais… I am wearing it with pride!