Too Strong For Men? Consider This.
You are strong, independent, very opinionated, and have been taking care of your business for years.
You are woman. Hear you roar.
Most women (like us) have accomplished so much in such a short time. We often hesitate to step head over heels in a new relationship. Today, I actually wanna share with you a few lessons that I learned from this exact scenario.
You see, I don’t know about you, but for me, the first question that ALWAYS came to my mind whenever a new guy would approach me was,
“Can he handle me?”
As in, is this guy (whoever he is) ready step into the ring and duke it out with a #girlboss who’s been there, done that, and quite frankly, ain’t got time for all the games?!
This was my mentality 5 years ago when I first met my husband. Let me just say that I did not make things easy for him, despite how absolutely perfect he was for me.
At first, I thought there was no way in hell that he could ever put up with me. I come from a family of very strong women. We tell it like it is and we don’t take crap from anyone. We’re very direct in our attitude and we aren’t afraid to speak our minds.
My husband was nice… And what was weird about it was that he was genuinely nice to me. All the time. As if he actually liked me. A lot.
Nah… I wasn’t gonna fall for it. I’m used to the guys who are always willing to put up a fight. Who are going to steer their stubborn heads into one direction, while I willed my strong mind into another.
How could my strong, opinionated self have anything in common with this stand-up guy who was nice all the time?
I didn’t get it. I thought he was just in for my looks. But I tried everything to push him back. And no matter what came at him, he was still standing tall at the end of the day, and he still wanted to hang around.
This actually scared me. How could someone so opposite of what I was used to, be able to develop a relationship that would actually last? I just knew that this guy didn’t have what it takes. I was definitely too strong for him. And he had to know that.
I remember after one date I just flat-out told him how I felt. Whether he felt hurt afterwards or not, it was not my problem. After all, I was trying to protect this guy from getting hurt and wasting his time.
“I don’t think you can handle me because I’m too strong for you”.
He waited a while. I suppose he was forming the right words to tell me his response. And what came out of his mouth pretty much shocked me to this very day.
“I know you’re strong. Many people informed me that you are a strong woman. I was aware of this before I ever pursued you. But I’m strong too. And I think I got what it takes to make you happy.”
It brings tears to my eyes to even think back to that night, sitting with him in his car, as he so confidently said that. I was in a state a shock. For once, my all-too-opinionated mind had nothing else to say.
At that moment, I was staring at a real man for the very first time in my love-life.
No matter how cocky or how arrogant all of the previous guys were, they were never able to look me in the eye and directly say that they were strong and willing to make me happy. This was definitely a first. And because of it, it made me question what I thought “strong men” were entirely.
Of course, we all know how the story goes; we ended up getting married two years later and we’ve enjoyed our marriage every day since.
I never once doubted the strength in my husband since that night in the car. In fact, there were many times, when I would break down (because of my business, because of my family, or because of bearing our first child) and he would carry me through it all. Every time.
While I allowed my husband’s strength to shine through our relationship, I think it’s important to stress that my strength wasn’t sacrificed because of it either. There have been many times when I was the one to remain strong through life’s journey. I willingly remained true to my character and my husband embraces that. Together, we make one solid team that can face the world as one. And that’s a pretty awesome feeling to have.
Here are three takeaways that I gained from my experience:
1. Whoever this guy is, he knows of you.
Listen, people talk. He’s fully aware of your character waaay before he ever approached you. Guys like to observe the women they choose to pursue. And if they didn’t pick up on your strong-minded attitude, then you better believe that someone, at some point, pulled him to the side to tell him. Not only that, but he would’ve never approached you if he didn’t think that he wasn’t strong enough to develop a relationship with you.
2. Do not judge his strength purely based on his character.
Some guys are total meatheads, and they think that by getting involved with you, they are accepting some made-up “challenge”… in other words, they’re playing games! Other guys are kind, gentle and humble, and women get totally turned off by this because we think it’s a sign of weakness. Which ones do you find to have the most strength to become your match? Remember this also: Kindness and goodness are considered fruits of the Holy Spirit. Those who are meek (or humble) shall inherit the earth. Do you really think that the man bearing the attributes of Christ (the strongest of all!) would be considered weak?
3. Are you willing to give this guy a chance?
If you’re ready to stop playing games then allow him to show you what he’s capable of! Clearly you’re Superwoman… but you’re not God! Even you will experience a bad day or two. Allow him to prove to you that he has what it takes to have your back!
So if you’re out there, and you’re wondering if you’re “too strong” to allow some guy in, I want you to consider my story. Usually, women tend to use their strength as a crutch to keep good guys out!!
Are you prepared to love again?
Are you ready to give love another chance?
If so, then be strong, have courage, and consider this guy that you’re sort of into.
You can double-check whether or not your REALLY ready for real love by checking out my Self-Love Assessment! It’ll measure the amount of love you currently give (and receive) in your daily life, and will help you determine if your heart, mind, and lifestyle is ready for when Mr. Right comes along!
Do not allow your strength to block you from a real shot at love.
Use your strengths to discern wisely, and to trust your heart when a good “strong” guy comes along!
Your turn: Are you really too strong for the guy you’re into? What’s one thing you can do to tell if he has what it takes to pursue you and love?
Originally published at selinaalmodovar.com on March 3, 2016.