Help! My Google Won’t Work!!!

OK Google, Fix Yourself.

So, you’re Google doesn’t work, huh? What do you want to me to do about it? Haven’t you heard of DDoS!? Clearly, the entire Internet has been compromised by a self-actualizing sentient Trojan virus hellbent on termination of the huma….!

Why would you tell us that?

Obviously, this is the very last thing you want to tell your customer. Four years ago I worked as a door-to-door salesman. That summer, I knocked about 9,000 doors over a 4 month summer sales season. That’s nearly 100 doors a day, 6 days a week! I learned very early on that convincing a homeowner to commit to a multi-year home security service agreement meant making absolutely sure to refrain from mentioning anything that would make them uncomfortable, especially on their doorstep.

On the contrary, the first thing you want to do is let your customer know that there’s likely nothing wrong with the way they’ve been going about protecting their home, but that there might be a few things that could be improved to give their family some additional piece of mind. Nobody is worried about having their microwave stolen because at the end of the day that’s not so life changing. However, it doesn’t hurt to think ahead, especially when it comes to protecting your home and family. Now that resonates.

Google receives 7.2 billion page views per day, so right off the bat we know we’re in deep water. Chances are, our customer is using Google for just about everything. Depending on whether this is a new or long time customer, things may go a little differently, but this problem in particular is a big deal.

If our customer is already familiar with our service protocol, it may be a little easier to cool them down after an especially egregious error. Whether it’s our fault or theirs, the customer is always right. The next step is to assure them that there is a solution. We’re going to have to figure it out one way or another.

At this stage, I ask my customer to open up TeamViewer, allowing me to connect remotely to their desktop. Let’s just make it easy for them. I pull out a file from our service catalog detailing how to single-handedly fix Google. I carefully guide them through the process in real-time. Hopefully, they’ve learned a thing or two! Either way, a heavy burden has been lifted and they didn’t have to raise a finger. And that’s how you make a new friend for life :)

Pure ascendance. How my customers feel after speaking with me.

Martin is Lead Project Manager at Selotec. You should follow him on Twitter.