Of all the ways we could do good in this world, what matters most is how we are doing it and why. You could be a scientist, an artist, an organizer, an author, a business executive, an aid worker, a doctor, a chef, a celebrity — the possibilities are endless — and you could do incredible things in that capacity.

But making a difference requires more than a title or activity. It’s about having the right mindset and mission. For me, the mindset and mission begin with how you treat yourself and how honest you are with yourself.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare.” — Audre Lorde

I’ve been thinking a lot about self-care and its role in changemaking and mission-driven work. Why do so many of us who embrace mission-oriented work find it so difficult to put ourselves first? ‪ We are trained to think of the mission and the change goals, but where do we fit in that mission and why isn’t self-care a prerequisite for it all?

I used to think I had an infinite amount of energy for the work because I had an infinite amount of investment in the mission. I knew my why, so I was clearly there for the long haul. That’s still true and I still believe whole heartedly in my mission and my work. What I didn’t know going in, however, was that in addition to knowing your why, you must also focus on how you’re going to do the work, in a way that matters, and in a way that takes care of you first.

I know now that ‎self-care‬ doesn’t just happen. It isn’t something you can do later. You must deliberately choose to take care of yourself. For men and women alike, this means choosing your heart, your time, your words, your mind, your worth. Choose. Choice.

Audre Lorde reminded us that self-preservation and self-care is required to survive and overcome the injustices and inequalities we face. Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. You want justice? Then you must start by being just to yourself. You have to be fair, honest, kind and true — to yourself.

Forgive yourself, let go of your fears, and learn to choose you. That can be really hard. But with practice, patience, forgiveness, and more practice, you do learn how to finally allow yourself.

Allow yourself to be.

Allow yourself to grow.

And allow yourself to love. (And I mean really love.) You.

Sometimes we think self-care happens in the stillness or the busy-ness of life. We think its as simple as sitting on a yoga mat and breathing. Or drilling away at a packed day. Or growing our bank account and building wealth.

This is all partly true. You do get closer to finding yourself and taking care of yourself in those spaces. Keep doing it.

But the truth is, for self-care to really take root, it has to happen through stillness, listening and healing. It happens through the acceptance of yourself — your flaws, strengths, desires, wants, fears and feelings. All of it. That money, that yoga session and that busy day won’t completely ease your heart and your spirit unless you really listen to and accept yourself first.

I’m thinking deeply about self-care because it’s not just a form of protection. It’s also a form of power. Your inner strength and resolve can’t be undone when you embrace self-care. It can’t be bought and it can’t be replaced.

Self-care isn’t for the privileged. It doesn’t need money or status. It isn’t a luxury you reach after you’ve earned your scars. It is a right and a responsibility you have to yourself and to your life.

Too many of us are denied that right and we have to fight for it in unimaginable ways. Sometimes our own communities and families don’t know the kind of self-care I’m telling you about and they will try to deny you the right to pursue your own self-care.

That is why, for those of you with so many burdens, and so many responsibilities, the ones with big hearts & passionate minds, self-care matters. Especially for you. You have a life and mission deserving of proper self-care, because it will also lift your own community in ways they deserve but may not have yet.

I’m thinking about self-care because it helped me lift tremendous burdens and fears that I carried, almost as a responsibility, for too many years. I thought sacrifice was the scar I had to wear, since I knew my life could have been worse and I already had a high tolerance for challenges, difficulty and pain. I thought it was the least I could do since so many others were in greater need than I was. I thought it was alright to minimize my focus on myself in solidarity for the cause.

The best thing I ever did was slowly undo that learned behavior. It wasn’t easy. I had to slow down and sit with myself. Once I did, it became clear my energy was just burning away. I was withering into a tired fraction of who I thought I was and, inevitably, hurting myself in the process. That’s not what all this was for. The fight for social justice, inclusion and empowerment requires you can go the long haul. I’m here for the marathon, not the sprint. So I had to stop martyring myself for the cause. I had to find ways to stay in the fight and make sure the fight didn’t beat me up and take me out.

This meant that I was going to be in it for the long haul, I needed to keep my spirit well, my back straight and my mind clear. Anger had weighed me down and skewed my vision of what was possible. I was losing the ability to see the possibilities and see the opportunities. I was losing myself.

For the path you are on and have taken, you must choose you. We need you well. We all need you well. For those of you angry at all the injustices we still have to correct, for those of you who are hungry for change or stuck in the unknown, believe me — self-care gets you through. No spinning, no wandering, no boredom. Self-care becomes an automatic, important and necessary part of your life that replenishes and centers you throughout each stage of growth.

I’m thinking of self-care because it’s the only way we can survive. It’s the only way we can reach our dreams of a just and peaceful world, where egos, fear, greed and pain aren’t driving the actions of a few and the loud, silencing the love of so many.

I’m thinking of self-care because too many of us have not been encouraged to put ourselves first. How can we pursue and develop the relationships that matter most for us if we don’t know to start from a place of honesty and respect with ourselves? How can we fight for social justice and change if we aren’t being just and kind to ourselves?

Self-care matters because it’s the first step to caring for the cause. We need you well. When you are well, we are well. And when we are well, we all win.