Inadequacy or how we all silently struggle with the same things (except on social media)

I woke up this morning feeling tired & under slept, even though I went to bed early, had a good hearty healthy meal and respected the whole no screen before bedtime mantra..

I decided to do a list of things I had to do while I was making my coffee and burning my toast. My brain kept cycling around adding and adding all the unfinished tasks I have so epically failed at accomplishing these past — ahem — weeks

It occurred to me as I was buttering my burnt toast that even if I were the most efficient human being on the planet, I would never finish the list in a day. But more than that, of all the 8 *mayor* ones, not one was related to my personal life.

I have had a pile of clothing that I need to sort for well over a year. I do sort it, but then I have nowhere to put it, so it gets piled up again, and because there is a pile, well, things pile up.

I organized the drawers on my dresser 6 months ago. They were so pretty and organized that I even took a picture and sent it to my family, and you thought I would never be able to be organized! was the caption. It lasted for about a week. Life came in rushing and suddenly socks needed putting faster, t-shirts were not that easy to find so I had to unfold them all, pants … it made no sense to have pants in a drawer! And sweaters were taking too much space when I did not spend 8 full minutes carefully folding them into origami-like pieces of art.

I have failed.

Every day there are constant reminders of my failure to be an adult and keep a structured life.

Sometimes I do not wash my hair because I forget to bring the extra towel to the bathroom. Other times I end up washing the same jean-t-shirt-sweater combination because I rather do that than sort through the -eugh- closet.

I cook everything I eat. EVERYTHING. I have cooked professionally; I was even as a cooking instructor. I make delicious meals that seem like a miracle when you think about the time-ingredient combination. But my kitchen is a mess. I know better, I know where to put the machines so they better serve me, I know that spacey counters call for better meals, I know that putting spices in glass jars keeps their aroma better, I know that I should clean as I cook… But I do not.

Here is the thing though, I had the courage to share a part (a very limited part) of this with some people and as it turns out, all of those people struggled with the same thing. I expanded my comments to other people, and it seemed like everybody felt somewhat inadequate, failing at simple chores. Feeling unhappy with their home-house-organization reality…

This had me thinking: are we all just self-constructed failures?

Statistically speaking, something is normal when it is the norm.

Our expectations of pretty little organized areas and life come from a made up world, either in film or in advertising. Our expectations of what we should be clash immensely with what we have to do/be.

See, time is the real currency here. We are made to believe that we should have the house, cook the meals, enjoy our color coded closet and relax in our meditation space all while working, living, running around with kids, etc.

I can’t. I actually, literally, statistically and realistically can’t.

I should not expect myself to do all of it. If I do, when I do I end up disappointing myself.

I will do an effort to have a better working kitchen, I actually look forward to get into my closet and organize my drawers again; only this time I will take it slow, I will do one task at a time, and I will allow myself to do the best I possibly can with what I have, when I can.

If I fail, at least I want to fail at something realistic. Learn something from it. Because when you fail from an unrealistic expectation, all you have left is the judgement you bestow upon your life.

Messy, disorganized, great cook, sometimes funny, and most of the times wondering, I now write on my list while I burn my toast ‘ sois sage, mais pas trop’