I am not happy with myself. I have done things that are questionable, and these things have hurt other people. Specifically, one person. Someone so close to me, I couldn’t have ever imagined being without. I am now, but I believe I need to be to become someone I am able to look at in the mirror. Right now, everything I see disgusts me. I feel sick seeing myself, and the chaos I have created. Because of what I have done, I refuse to let it be in vain. I cannot change the past. I can’t do things differently. But I can move forwards. Use this opportunity to be almost reborn in a way, to find myself and my purpose. My life has no direction, and especially now, after everything that has happened. There is no going back. I can’t. I won’t.

My only wishes, other than to explore myself, are very simple. I will be nothing but honest to myself and others. And have no goals other than for my own personal transfiguration, regardless of what that may be. There are things I refuse to do, of course. Moral boundaries. But I have nothing but myself, so I might as well try to be pure and honest.

There is nowhere to go from here. Just up.

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