Conversation with Angels
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was my life and it made me who I am. Maybe it’s too early to write my autobiography but who knows maybe this is right on time. I’ve always been a believer of divine providence so many this is what is in tending for my existence in this time and space.
“I am that I am” this phrase as seemed to take new meaning to me and my life. I am so much so many parts… from so many parts…affected by so many parts, yet I am the sum of all these things. They are me. Dents in the mold of the masterpiece yet to be unveiled. Each dent representing a partially chiseled off piece of my soul.
I’m not sure where this story is going to start how it’s going to end or begin but I do know it is going to give you insight. It is my hope that you take from this something positive For my life has been truly blessed. I can guarantee that just like your own story, mine is nothing short of interesting.
I was born by the river. The mighty Mississippi. In a civil war town called Vicksburg. If you know anything about the Civil War, you know that Vicksburg was a bad mamajama. Under siege for days it finally ceded to Union forces but not before it cemented itself in U.S. History as the final standoff of the Confederate Army. It is because of this reason that pretty much the entire city is covered with Civil War monuments & memorabilia for both Union and Confederate soldiers. I’m not sure if it is the rose colored tint of my memories but I remember beautiful sunsets overlooking the river. Where my childhood home is situated I could see the river bend from my front porch. Almost every summer day we would right down the hills at full speed and the feeling of freedom and fear rolled into a massively liberating moment… that is at least until you got to the bottom of the hill and had to snap out of it fast before you ran unto the marsh. Nothing like those summer days. Man full of life and vibrance. As I enter the last part of the summer years of my life I think it’s time to tell a story into the window of my soul.
The soul is an interesting thing. It has no shape or form or any state of matter but it’s no question that it exists. But one thing it is is a magnet. Pushing and pulling things back to and away from your life. Then all of a sudden…CLICK… another magnet is stuck to you and you can’t shake it loose. You carry it’s weight and as inseparable as you maybe there is always a chance of a stronger magnet pulling you further apart. As I sit here and write these words it couldn’t be come more clear of how much this simple theory has affected my life. But my life is no different than most. A constant reality of a continuous battles of despair yet out of that despair some glimmer of peace and revelation.
Not sure why love is on my mind. Of all things, the one thing that I have never fully experienced as most people my age has had. To say I’m such a romantic individual my love life has been far less than lackluster. Not to wallow in my sorrow but it is the truth both circumstance and my doing. I’ve had terrible choices, terrible pride, and terrible selflessness. All in which are the reasons ( or once were) for all that has occurred.To those involved, I’m truly sorry for giving my love when you required but didn’t desired from me. For sacrificing what we had for the peace of others. And for ignoring the possibles of what could have been for valor and honor.