Scott Goes to the Dentist.
All time is in CST.
7:50AM- Begin transmission. I have become self-aware. I am me.
7:55AM- My residual programming has guided me to a sea of buildings. They all look the same. Dirty brown roofing, blue stucco plaster, shiny doors. I see my reflection. Weird.
7:58AM- Initiate automatic recall, this is a “Medical Park”. Automatic recall, parks have slides. Where are the slides?
8:00AM- Residual Programming kicks in, here for dentist appointment enter shiny door labeled Any Town Dentist DDS. The “D”’s remind of laughing faces, I like to laugh.
8:01AM- I am greeted by a women sitting behind a tall desk. She tells me to take seat so, I sit. The floor is warm.
8:03AM- A Mahogany 1 Lite Interior Door W/ White Laminate Glass swings open. Mental log made because my floor seat was infront of it. It accosted my back and head. Possible concussion. Nice lady beckons for me to follow. Calls me Scrop. Hearing impaired. Drilling sound resonates, Possible concussion side effect?
8:04AM- Lady names herself Katie. She will be presiding over my teeth cleaning. Hello Katie. I’m Scorp… Scott… Nice to meet you. She calls herself a dental hygienist. What is her function in this ecosystem?
8:05AM- Katie the dental hygienist, leads me to a room with a single chair. the chair is leather presumably because leather is luxury but could also because it combats farts.
8:06AM- Katie the dental hygienist , instructs me to sit. She hands me glasses (clear, plastic, cheap. will not keep light out. will matter later assuming) and puts a bib around my neck (metal chain, purple, tissue paper, cheap, will matter later assuming). I am either a baby or about to eat lobster. I hope I am a baby that eats lobster. Fancy AF.
8:07AM- Katie the dental hygienist confirms that there is no lobster. Will not confirm if I am a baby.
8:08AM- The chair begins to recline. Katie the dental hygienist asks “How are you doing”. I contemplate my feelings. In this moment I am truly doing fine. Silence proceeds. Is this small talk?
8:10AM- Chair continues to recline. Small talk continues. Katie the dental hygienist has a dog. Puddle the Poodle.
8:12AM- Chair continues to recline. Small talk continues. Katie the dental hygienist lives with her mom to save money. Smart. Call mom more.
8:14 AM- Chair continues to recline. Small talk continues. Katie the dental hygienist likes baseball and summertime. Are we friends now.
8:15AM- Chair is fully reclined. Commence “teeth cleaning”. Small talk continues. Katie the dental hygienist how is now a friend would like me to “sit back relax and open my mouth”. Will try this line at parties to… make friends.
8:16AM- Overhead lamp is turned on. Light is bright. Can’t not see, clear plastic glasses do nothing must be for looks. I look cool AF.
8:17AM- Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend confirms that I look cool AF. I set a reminder in my brain to take glasses to continue look cool AF.
8:18AM- Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend now has her fingers in my mouth. Friend stuff.
8:23AM- Small talk continues. Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend and has her fingers in my mouth. Ask what I do for a living. I speak unintelligible babel. You know what other humanoid creature can’t speak intelligibly with fingers in there mouths? Babies. Am I a baby?
8:25AM- Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend has removed her fingers from my mouth. She has inserted a sharp metal prodding instrument. She begin scrappings. Small talk continues. I am learning much about interactions. I will be a hit a parties.
8:28AM- Scrapping continues. A solid pool of my blood? Has been trickling down the back of my throat. I do not like blood. Nor do like the metal prodding instrument. Why is Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend torturing me? Do friends torture each other? Will try this at parties.
8:35AM- Torture device removed from mouth. I can only assume my gums are reminiscent of what the grand canyon looks like when it rains. Reminder to travel more. Possibly with friends… maybe from parties.
8:36AM- Cleaning continues. Tooth polish applied. I am concerned about an identity crisis. I am either a shoe, a car, or a baby. Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend asks me what kind of flavor I prefer. I say brown? She laughs. She thinks I could be a comedian. Parties love comedians. Another metal instrument is inserted in my mouth. Small talk resumes.
8:37AM- I finally realize what the bib is for. Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend went a little to deep with the polish machine gag reflex triggered. Reminder do not eat anything mint flavored. May trigger vomit reflex. Don’t do it at parties.
8:40AM- Mouth is rinsed with high pressure hose. Glasses act as splash guard. Starting to think Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend might be a genius, every protective garment she had given me was well utilized. She is definitely a good friend. I have made another friend. Maybe she would like to meet my other friend? Fast walking man on train? I will introduce them if I ever see fast walking man on train again.
8:41AM- Automatic suction machine forced in my mouth. I fought it at first, convinced that it was a device to suck out my brain. Katie the dental hygienist who is now a definitely good friend wouldn’t do that to me.
8:41AM- *seconds later* My mouth is saliva free. This machine is ingenious. I will become rich, buy one of these machines and never swallow again. Will share it with all my friends at I make a parties.
8:42AM- Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend informs me that the dentist will see me shortly. WHAT THE FUCK? Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend who I know, now, is not the dentist, wasn’t my dentist? She was just a common teeth cleaner? What is she a human tooth brush? What is up? What is down. I panic.
8:43AM- Katie confirms her place in the dental ecosystem a Human Toothbrush.
8:45AM- The dentist enters. She is an imposing women. Yes a women. Could she be my friend. She does not initiate small talk. Interesting. Wonder how she does at parties.
8:46AM- Dentist who could possibly be my friend, does not waste time. She asks me to open and close my mouth. She does stick her fingers in my mouth. Does this mean we are friends now? I feel used.
8:47AM- Dentist departs. WHAT THE FUCK! Katie the dental hygienist who is now a friend worked hard on my mouth. You looked at it for 2 earth minutes. Is this a scam? Dentist will comeback?
8:48- Katie the dental hygienist who is now a definitely good friend begins to apply fluoride. It is painted on with a tiny paint brush. I, now, don’t know what I am a shoe, car, baby, or abstract canvas painting. Katie the dental hygienist who is now a definitely good friend lets me know I am neither. I let her know that she is the true dentist and more than a human toothbrush.
8:49AM- I purpose that Katie the dental hygienist who is now a definitely good friend become my dentist. I will not take no for an answer. She continues to say no.
8:50AM- She tells me to leave. I oblige. The fluoride left my teeth feeling fuzzy. What was the point of cleaning? Maybe Katie the dental hygienist doesn’t know what she was doing.
8:51AM- Women sitting behind a tall desk hands me a goody bag. It contains a miniature tube of toothpaste. I assume that she wants me to use this until my next visit. What happens if I run out? I will commit to forget and brush my teeth every other day. To save tooth paste.
8:52AM- Women sitting behind a tall desk also hands me an invoice. I say no thanks I have insurance. WHAT THE FUCK floride isn’t covered by insurance. WHAT IS THE POINT!
8:53AM- Initiate sprint protocol. Goodbye “Medical Park”.
8:55AM- End Transmission.
