Why do we hold out on the things we really want in life?

I’ve just come back from my first ever solo trip where I stayed in Paris, France for 2 weeks. Originally I planned to be in Paris for 6 nights and Dublin for 9 nights. But on my last stay in Paris I had an overwhelming feeling to stay longer. So I listened to it. And realizing that I still had 5 hours left to cancel my Dublin accommodation and get a refund, it felt synchronized.

I should say for the past 2 years I’ve been fantasizing about moving to Paris. In lockdown back in 2020 that was all I thought about, day and night. Yet with a pandemic and all, that dream was pushed to the back burner. But finally on July 7, 2022 I took the big step into actually visiting Paris once and for all. And now that I did, I don’t want to leave it. At all.

The City of Love has enchanted her spell on me.

Looking back now I can’t fathom why it took me so long to do it in the first place. I spent 2 years fantasizing about being in France all for it to become my reality in a month’s time.

Sometimes, the only thing interfering between you and your dreams is you.

I stayed in the 19th and 14th arrondissements. Which are more residential areas from what I’ve been told. Being that I want to move there soon I figured staying where the locals are would give me a more authentic feel of the city. I don’t know French yet but despite the language barrier I still felt at “home.” I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. After day 3 of navigating through the city I got a feel of the metro system and the streets, where I felt like I was more of a local than a tourist per se. Coming from Boston probably helped with that as the transportation system is quite universal.

Speaking of Boston, my dad loves Boston. He probably will live there for the rest of his life. When he first came to the United States back in the 90s he had a hard time deciding where to live. He always tells this story of how he came to a conclusion after having a symbolic dream. In the dream he got messages of going to “England.” Yet having just migrated to the United States, the United Kingdom wasn’t an option. That was until he found out about New England, to which he landed in Boston, Massachusetts.

I say this to say that with him always telling me that story growing up I always wanted to find my place like him. A place where I feel completely intune with myself. And now I think I have. Even without knowing the language yet, when I walked the streets of Paris completely lost and confused; I felt tranquil. I can only imagine what it’d be like once I’m fully integrated into their society. I’m completely over living in the United States. Which is why I’m finally taking the leap of faith and doing something about it. Moving to France. I’m in school right now and I should probably wait until I’ve graduated and saved up a bit more to play it safe; but I’m done taking the high road. I’m ready to face whatever this new journey has to offer. The highs and the lows. The good and the bad.

I feel so stagnant and unmotivated in my hometown. I detested the idea of coming back on July 24. If it wasn’t for my family being there I probably would’ve found a way to stay in France longer by any means necessary. Yet right now I think Boston is where I need to be for the next couple of weeks. With needing to drop out of school and save up a bit more to enroll into school in Paris. Being back motivated with a new goal in mind is different than just coming back. I’m done standing in my way or holding myself back from the things I really want in life. We only have one life and it’s up to us to choose how we want to live it.

Carpe Diem!

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yst

yst

Journaling my way as I navigate through life.