Serah Eley
Aug 27, 2017 · 2 min read

I suppose we just have different ethics regarding intentional misgendering: I and the ones I love have suffered enough by it that participating in that system is nothing I want any part of.

I respect that position and totally sympathize. Being misgendered haunts me too. Our ethics may vary about this particular edge case (transphobes who were doing it first) but I suspect we’re not that different in the main.

Besides, on a tactical level, it is unlikely to persuade and may even play into the bullying narrative some transantagonistic folks subscribe to.

The bullying narrative that PolelifeandPussy has constructed is such a huge tower of nonsense that I’m not concerned about making it worse. She’s going to keep yelling about trans women threatening ‘womanhood’ (as if we had any power or desire to do so) no matter what actual trans people say. And honestly? If she does want to quote my words and hold them up as evidence of “bullying,” I would welcome it. It would mean she agrees that misgendering is bullying. The debate that follows might bring out some interesting truths, and would be a refreshing change from the fictions and hyperbole she’s been charging us with.

It is not my responsibility to educate transantagonistic people who will not listen. That does not mean that I object any less to their toxic beliefs. I only called you out because I was certain that you would consider me, whether you found me persuasive or not.

Nobody has a responsibility to engage anyone else in debate. For what it’s worth, though, I didn’t write it with the expectation that I’d change PolelifeandPussy’s mind about anything. (Aside: I have to resist the urge to inject an eye-roll emoji every time I type that handle.) Outspoken TERFs are usually lost causes. I respond to them mainly for the sake of third parties who aren’t as certain of where they stand. Bigotry is more likely to strike others as fair and credible when it stands unchallenged.

I have one question about your reply: you said the misgendering was satirical, and could you unpack what you meant by that? I only ask because that term makes me a little uncomfortable, given that satire is sometimes used as a dodge for taking responsibility for one’s language. Not that you were using the term in bad faith, but I don’t quite get what you saw as the reason for or purpose of the satire.

I meant that it was ironic and exaggerated, and that I used it for rhetorical purposes. I strongly believe in taking responsibility for my language, which is why it felt important to respond to you. Thank you for sharing your concerns. They’re real and they matter, and while you still might not think I was engaging in fair play, I hope I can at least set your mind at ease that I wasn’t just being lazy or pointlessly mean.

)

Serah Eley

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Functional multiple, transgender hippie chick, not as interesting as you are but WAY more interesting than the people who annoy you.

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