“Resigned to” sounds so defeatist. And then later, “Living with the fear.” If your attitude towards thinking about other people’s equality is that it’s some sort of curse or burden, then of course you’ll never be totally open to it and it won’t be much fun.
How about thinking of it as an opportunity instead? You could make the world better! You could find opportunities to improve things that no one else even knows about, and feel good about yourself for improving. Instead of “resigned,” why not take the initiative, and feel some enthusiasm at picking up a challenge that’s actually worth it?