Want to be a good trans ally? Forget bathrooms. Offer to take us clothes shopping.

Buying clothes is one of the scariest ordeals for anyone just coming out, and for many it stays hard. For new trans women in particular, just looking at women’s clothes feels like we’re crossing taboos and the whole world’s staring at us. Taking them into a dressing room is terrifying. My first few times, moral support from a trusted female friend was what brought it from “unthinkable” to “possible.” I was just reminded of that today as I was helping a friend buy her first couple skirts.

If you’re ever in a position to help someone like that, here are some tips that might make it easier for her:

• Thrift stores are the best places for trans women to shop. It’s not just the prices; they also have the widest range of sizes and styles, which is essential for someone with no prior knowledge. It also makes it easier to take risks. (“I think I might be willing to wear this dress out in public; but if I’m wrong, shrug, it was four dollars.”)
• Keep it simple. DON’T try to plan a whole wardrobe; that’s intimidating, and your friend doesn’t know enough yet about what she likes. If this is her first time, a couple of things she can wear at home and get used to is a great start. Next time she can add a few more. If she starts to feel overwhelmed, stop there and go for…