From 600lbs to this…

Seriously Aunt T
Jul 28, 2017 · 3 min read

I was married at this point and my husband decided he would support my decision to leave my job if that is what I needed. My mental health was so bad. I cried all the time, constant panic attacks, I got to where I wouldn’t leave the house. I was so afraid of being followed or chased. I couldn’t escape if I was chased or cornered. I couldn’t defend myself if I needed to.

So after our lease was up I put in my notice and we moved to the town where my husband worked. It took me many years to finally look myself in the face and see what I was. I was still eating out of control. I still wasn’t taking care of my health (mentally or physically). I made excuses to take control of my weight, took care of everyone around me including my mom and my grandma. Thankfully my husband always had my best interest at heart.

Fast forward to years down the road, I had started eating clean and went from over 600lbs to mid 550lbs. My grandma who raised me and I looked up to got very sick. She kept telling me every time we would talk or see one another I had to get my weight in control. I had never be a thin person. But I was at least trying to do better. We lost my grandma unexpectedly Nov. 2014, I was slowly losing weight and at that time was 445lbs.

She was so proud at how far I had come. I was still suffering from all the anxiety, fears of being trapped, fears of leaving the house, fears of strangers, fears of dying… constantly. Fear consumed me. But I had the voice of my grandma was still in my head. She would tell me over and over to get it under control.

I sat at that weight for a while. My husband was afraid of weight loss surgery. He was afraid I would get sick, or not make it out of the surgery. Finally my doctor had a meeting with us and he told him, he needed to let me have this surgery. Or, I could die.

That was the brutal honest truth that he needed to hear. So months later I was on a month long pre op diet and set to have surgery.

Liquid diet was a month long. A month long. A MONTH LONG!!!!!

I started this diet at 450lbs. Come surgery I had only lost ten pounds. My body did not want me to be any smaller. I am thankful for the surgeon I had. He is amazing, smart, honest and believed I could change my life. He knew all about my anxiety and his staff took amazing care of me. Even down to my panic attacks.

So here I sit… two plus years out in my 200’s. LOWER 200’s. The lowest weight I have gotten to be in my adult life was 215lbs. Pretty fucking amazing. But, let me tell you, weight loss surgery is NOT easy. It hard. It will emotionally kick you in the face, laugh at you while you are down, and try to pick you up.. then push you down just as you are about to get your legs back. I have extra skin, still have some anxiety issues, but strongly believe in therapy and keeping good people around me.

I’m not anywhere near where I want to be. I am always striving to be better. But, I am nowhere near where I use to be. I will and have had set backs. But I am not going to lay down and cry about it.. well maybe I will cry. But I will get up and fight back.

Things I never thought I would be able to do, I can do. So many people said I couldn’t and wouldn’t get to where I am today. That just put fire in my belly to hit harder, walk faster and that walk slowly turned into a jog. So every-time someone tells you, you can’t.. you won’t just smile. I let my actions speak for me. So what now?

Seriously Aunt T

Written by

Just here to share random life lessons I have learned along the way.. Not an expect writer or even a good writer. Just wanted a safe, outlet to talk.

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