Insipired By Fear, Depression & Nigel McGuinness
Chasing success could be a drug that ultimately leads to your demise. My demise. The price of making it is never cheap. Success doesn’t want your money, although it’s necessary to some extent. This fictional woman (or man if you choose) craves your time with no set-in-stone idea that you’ll obtain her. She’ll flirt, let you hold her hand, and maybe even give you a kiss. The invitation to her bed is a trap. As they say, she’s out to “fuck you over.” It’ll feel good temporarily, but the long term effects symbolize you’re closer to that fall than you think. She doesn’t play by any rules we’re accustomed to. Her lottery is who gets success, because you could work hard at what you love and still fail. It’s the sad reality that plagues our planet.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about a documentary I watched in December about Nigel McGuinness titled Last of McGuinness. This name is likely unfamiliar to the average wrestling fan. If anything, he’s known by Desmond Wolfe (his TNA ring name). Nigel is a retired wrestler who spent most of his time in the indies. When most people make a documentary on wrestlers, it’s to highlight all the positive they’ve done for the culture of wrestling. However, Nigel had a different idea in mind that seemed to stick in my mind. This documentary was showing his retirement tour across the United States and overseas. In between the matches, Nigel wasn’t shy about discussing his frustrations. He explained how an injury prevented the WWE from giving him a contract (around the same time Daniel Bryan got signed), so he settled for TNA until he was fired for having Hepatitis B.
There’s one scene in particular that broke my heart. The night that Daniel Bryan won the WWE heavyweight title, Nigel got a text from Daniel. No actual words were shown but simply paraphrased. Daniel told him about his accolade and wished he was there to share the moment. It was sad, because Nigel is on his retirement tour. He’s not where he should be. His in-ring abilities were more than enough to propel him onto a similar path like his friend. On-screen, it wasn’t the most emotional moment. Just the impact of knowing your dreams have failed you to this degree due to circumstances out of your control and the disappointment he faced.
Nowadays, Nigel plays an on-air authority figure in Ring of Honor, the company he’s most known for his work in. He’s also working on a new project titled L.A. Fights. His story has a happy ending thus far, but it doesn’t escape me about facing a fate that’s similar, or worse.
As I’ve detailed in an earlier piece, graduation is now two months away today. Nigel’s story resonated with me a lot. Mostly the failing at your dreams parts. It’s scary. There’s over seven billion people on the planet, so success is never certain. That spot on MTV or as a writing assistant at the WWE is being sought out by countless individuals. Just one of those people could find a way to stand out and get the job even if I’m the most qualified. We see it in every field of work. Hip-hop, for instance, doesn’t honor pure skill all the time. It’s a combination of things with marketing/business sense becoming more important.
Life is real crazy. There’s no formula for being successful. For that, a constant struggle is ensured upon my life. I always thought that I was doing exactly what I needed to do until I look back on my moves. In 2015, I look at everything I’m doing and wish I could’ve done it sooner. These things — excessive writing, digital marketing and the Youtube content — are what will be successful. Unfortunately, when and how are not on the timing as what I need or would like. That feeling knowing that you might not end up doing what you want to is depressing. And that’s something that Nigel wasn’t shy about displaying in his documentary.
I can’t speak for Nigel, but I’m sure he’d love to still be wrestling and a bigger name than what he’s currently doing. Not to say that what he’s doing isn’t significant or exciting, but it’s not the thing you dedicated years to trying to be successful at. Having a plan B that you enjoy is always reassuring. However, there will always be that voice in the back of your mind that makes you wonder… “what if?”
(Originally published in February 2015)
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