Home Diet Diary: Week of Norouz Rigged Weigh-In

in front of my haft-sin table

This Norouz ( Iranian New Year) I was both rather morose because it was the first one sans maman and scared because it is the first Norouz after my recent weight loss. The Iranian eid, like most festivities, is marked by the eating of gorgeous food and amazing sweets. Eating sweets during our new years is like having champagne with the western one, a must. And this fear of gaining weight is real. Especially for yo -yo dieters. Every day, I have to remind myself of that 95% failure rate.

To be a five percenter you need an almost otherworldly combination of determination, discipline, and that most important of characteristics, the one I naturally lacked since I was a girl who climbed trees and didn’t sit still: poise. But you also need to be arrogant, the one quality I despise in even the most balanced of folks and which has left me without a Marja’a or guru. Which has kept me from even titling, never mind, leaning, in. I have found in myself a trigger that I call my ego stopper. I engage in self-deprecation on a regular basis like flagellating monks. That is not so good if you want to be part of an elite club of the previously-obese sveltes.

Suffice it to say that I live in fear of gaining back the weight and don’t have the arrogance to really believe I won’t. So, it is not a really nice place to be and if I was younger I’d be worried, this is how eating disorders are born. Right about now, it would be cool to believe in that higher power. But that kind of blind faith, like your height, is something you don’t choose, it happens to you.

All of this would be less of a problem if I had meaningful employ. Not using your potential is the main source of unhappiness. Most of the people who are obese were unhappy first. Purposefulness is everything. In the end of the day, you have to come outside of yourself in order to find happiness. So this whole “journey to recover my health” is only worth it if it makes me do more good — it cannot be a purpose onto itself. Not if you want it to be sustainable.

I must be the only woman I know who hasn’t bought herself a single clothing item after losing 26 kilos (it helps to have clothes from the last time I lost so much weight.) I just don’t care that much about appearances and spending money on clothes when I’m not making much, seems so frivolous. I think I want to lose weight to become a nun. I don’t want to become a nouveau thin woman bent on looking young and sexy. I cringe when I see women make that effort when the hormones are not there to fuel it naturally.

The good news is this. I delayed the weigh-in day by one day. And to my utmost happiness, I’m down one kilo. I watched what I ate, skipped the sweets and the rice, drank a little vodka, but not too much, and got on that bike every day. So this weigh-in was rigged. But that seems to be in the spirit of this electoral season and one day late for Norouz sake is surely kosher.

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