On The Danger and Necessity of Letting Go
Ok, peeps, it’s weigh-in Wednesday and I think I haven’t gone down this week. It will be the first week since Nov. 5th that I haven’t lost. Hopefully, I will not have gained. In my once a week drinking evening (soiree joker, they call it) I drank more than I should have. Which weakened me and led to having a slice of Le Notre birthday cake at my friend’s dinner party. The first desert in 3 1/2 months. Surely, alcohol is the worse thing for maintaining a strong character. It is amazing how tolerated it is when it has ruined so many lives. Marijuana never makes your resolve weaken. Alcohol does. And I’m no spring chicken. But it feels great to let go, once in a while. Without regular letting go of rules I couldn’t survive this life. I like losing resolve once in a while. But to make a habit of it is dangerous and has brought me to the edge of paralysis.
Anyway, the cake was a masterpiece of patisserie. It was not just any cake. It was light, and layered, and oh so slightly sugary. It was bite fulls of heavenly fluff. If you are going to sin make sure it is worth. What was funny is that the next day I had completely blocked the fact that I had eaten a piece of cake. I had completely forgotten it until I was gently reminded. Imagine being this scared of a piece of cake. Poor anorexic girls. I’m fifty-five and I understand them. Imagine feeling this paranoid at sixteen? Surely, there must be a better way.
So, I turned to my late father and asked myself what would he do. He would first of all not make such a big deal of it. He certainly wouldn’t share it with you all. He would chin up, walk for longer the next few days, and not do it again.
I will go to that scale in fear and trembling, if you don’t hear from me you will know that for the first time since I began in November the numbers on the scale have gone up and not down.