Nerdy Boys, Fat Girls, and Access to Sex
Is (perceived) access to sex the currency underpinning the relationship economy?
One night, I was eating dinner at my ex-boyfriend’s house. In typical Polish fashion, we had open faced sandwiches. In typical nerd fashion, we spoke passionately about topics of interest.
He was writing about Dating for Nerds, and I was researching Pick Up Artists for a Sociology Master’s degree. The conversation came around to kino escalation: a pattern of touch escalation over the course of a date.
For me, it sounded icky.
“The way you describe it sounds like entitlement,” I said.
Something snapped.
“I have never felt entitled in my life! I don’t personally know any nerds that feel entitled to sex, in fact they feel the opposite.”
The opposite of feeling entitled is feeling ineligible, excluded.
When it comes to access to sex, I knew the feeling of being ineligible and excluded.
This is how I felt for much of my life. I spent all of my teens and my twenties on the spectrum between overweight and obese. Weight was the focal point for my bullies. That experience affects me to this day.
Do nerd boys and fat girls get similar messages of exclusion, leading to similar…
