Has ‘Friends with Benefits’ Become an Excuse for Sex?

Top: Friends with Benefits (Movie) Bottom: No Strings Attached (Movie)

It seems like a dream come true doesn’t it?

No relationships, no commitment, no responsibilities, no heartbreaks, no emotions and no spending money on something that is free to do (except for the condoms and lube gotta need that shit.)

Sexual tactics to get someone to sleep with you are the thing of the past. In order to be perceived as ‘cool’ and ‘easy-going’ we can easily dismiss swooping someone off their feet, and straighforwardly ask someone to have casual sex.

However, asking someone to have sex for a few times has been morphed into a friends with benefits for some reason.

Has the ‘Friends with Benefits’ relationship become an excuse for casual sex?

These past summer months, I had the opportunity to volunteer in the community and met the most humblest people. A couple summer months in, a young gentleman asked me to be ‘friends with benefits’ with him.

We just met. We never hung out. We never spoke for more than two occassions. We don’t even know who we would vote for in the 2016 American elections considering we live in Canada.

Bro, we’re not even friends. So why friends with benefits?

The precipice behind ‘friends with benefits’ is the one friend you have known for a while (probably more than 5 hangouts) suddenly becomes an opportunity for sex without any judgements, pressures, heartbreaks or embarrassments. Just sex.

To me, this kind of relationship often grants those who have never had intercourse to finally have exprience it, or are looking to practice technique and skill when the time finally comes when it truly matters.

“Why do you want to be friends with benefits?” I asked.

“I never had intercourse, and I want more practice.” He replied.

The answer is clear. He does not want to have sex with me specifically, but is just willing to have sex with someone who can fulfill his needs and experiences.

This is not a bad thing. Can’t blame a guy who just wants to have sex and experience what it’s like. However, saying to be ‘friends with benefits’ demines the purpose of the actual ‘friends with benefits’ relationship. Casual sex can be more of an accurate term, or simply saying, “I want to have intercourse and have sex for more practice. Would you be willing to have sex with me?” and asking the person instead of naming it something that isn’t accurate.

That is why I have come up with 3 questions you should ask yourself before engaging in a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship. If you answer “no” to every question, then DO NOT use “friends with benefits” as an excuse for casual sex.

  1. Have you been friends with this person for more than 4 months?
  2. Have you seen each other (in person) for more than 5 hangouts?
  3. Do you think asking will affect your friendship once the sex has ceased?

These are all subjective amounts of time. If you have a different answer on an amount of time that seems more your speed then feel free to change to best suit your needs.

When all parties are in agreement that there will be no further engagements other than sex then that makes up for a good time I would say.

Yes I may be taking it literal, and some of you would say they are practically the same thing. All I’m saying is that friends with benefits is continously having sex with someone you know (aka have been friends with.) Casual sex is discrete times you have sex with a random person or a different number of people.

And there is nothing wrong with either of them.

Simply ask. Have a brief conversation and be honest because nobody has time for mind games. Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable and it is time for those who are nervous, anxious or simply want the experience to finally acheive satisfaction and experience to receive that.

Then again… whatever works.

What do you think? Let me know at Sex and Mental Health on facebook or join our discussion group here.