Dear strange man that sent me a picture of his male member today,

shaguftaaa
Jul 20, 2017 · 2 min read

Thank you. Today, because of you, I experienced something new. I’m going to try not to throw up while writing this. I’ve only ever heard about your type in stand-up jokes. Mostly female comedian stand up routines. I almost reacted to your “generosity”. You poor misinformed human being. You think it’s cute, that I might give you a round of applause. Or better, a smiley blushing emoji. Oh what, you wanted me to reciprocate with a similar image didn’t you? Truth be told, I’d rather see female genitalia than see yours. Not because I’m anything but straight, but just because your part isn’t very attractive. Straight up. I would have reacted better to a picture of Donald Trumps face. I might have even reacted better to any other organ of your body. Your ears might have actually warranted a laugh-out-loud emoji from me.

I feel like your friends/family have done a great disservice to you. They didn’t teach you how to make small talk with strangers. So you took out what was just hanging out.

I really want to know how successful your conversion rate is. On an average, with the number of strange women you reach out to, and the total number of male member pictures you send them, how many get you the desired reaction you set out for? Is this lifestyle working out for you? Is it helping you get the kind of organ exercise you wanted?

My advice? Read a book. Talk to your grandma. Get some perspective. You’re truly never going to get anywhere physically unless you change your approach. I feel bad for you. You’re going to be a 40 year old virgin at this rate and no one needs to be that.

I refuse to refer to this male member in this particular picture with any sort of sexual nomenclature. There is NOTHING sexy about your family jewels. They are not attractive. Your toes are prettier than THAT PART. Okay I’ve given you and your stupid picture enough attention. I hope you start complaining about a urinary tract infection right about now.

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shaguftaaa

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When I’m not talking on the radio, I write. I write when I’m hungry, angry, bored, emotional & trying to get away from the temptations of this world. Mmm, cake!