Wings Up

After a 12 hour day I stood at the gate of my 3 story walkup clamoring for my keys while holding a full bag of groceries, my dry cleaning, my backpack and a Santa Clause sized sack of laundry. As I dug through my bag on this phalangeal excavation suddenly everything was in slow motion. Time moving like molasses, bags filled with stones.

This feels hard.
Today feels hard.
And right now I feel Alone.

I start to wonder if it will always be like this.

The hustle.
The struggle.
The no, not yet.

I’m In Cue at the Board of Behavioral Sciences like Michael Keaten in Beetlejuice holding that 13 digit number while the clerk calls number 2 up to the desk.

When I log in to see my bank balance the numbers have vanished and the statement just reads, “RENT”

The printer at work cursed and laughed at me.

The copy machine at Kinkos punched me in the face and stole my wallet.

My debt is the heaviest invisible thing I’ve ever owned.

I work with couples for a living but for me I’d sooner eat my own flesh than to peruse partners like palindromes. Swipe Right — Swipe Left.

Then suddenly my self -centered ruminations were interrupted when a small white haired lady, walking with a cane, stopped…and held the door for me.

I lost.

My breath.

Our roles, were juxtaposed.

I looked her in the eye and thanked her.
She laughed at me and said, “ I know how is.”

And then, I remembered that I am part of the ocean and these feelings are simply the waves.

That ONE moment of connectivity was the anecdote to my loneliness and fear of scarcity.

What a strange trick time is because she WAS me once and god willing I’ll be her.

“I know how it is,” she said. Her words were like an angel’s whisper letting me know that I’m doing just fine.

Though we dance with the illusion of self sufficiency…

We.
Are Not.
Alone.

When you fall, let yourself be caught by a stranger but be sure to be someone else’s miracle each day.

Wings Up!

Love,
ShameSlayer