Stop telling people they’re wrong
And start asking them why they think they’re right.
Everyone loves being right. Whether it’s a matter of religion, politics, cats or dogs, Cubs or Sox, everyone has an opinion and nowadays it seems we’re all firmly rooted in our beliefs and have something to say about it. It’s cool to care about things and it’s cool to be passionate about what you believe in. But can we at least try to be a little more understanding of those who don’t agree with us?
Let’s say you’re Team Edward and your friend is Team Jacob (oh yeah, we’re bringing back Twilight for this). When you only argue about why Edward is better and dismiss everything you hear about Jacob, you end up with little to no understanding about how your friend feels or why they feel that way. And chances are you’ll leave the conversation frustrated with your friend and further entrenched in your belief that you’re right. Which is… not super productive.
Have you ever considered asking someone why they feel how they do?
If debating and discussing opinions is your thing, responding Why? says a lot more than responding No, you’re wrong. “Why” lets people know you’re interested in what they have to say, which usually prompts a less hostile answer. “Why” encourages people to think through and articulate their beliefs instead of emotionally reacting to an insult. “Why” lets people inject their own stories and backgrounds into the conversation which gives context for why they might think the way they do. Responding “No” shuts people down. They’re immediately put on the defensive.
Like lots of people these days, I got wrapped up in politics a few years ago and haven’t been able to let go. For a long time, I was a No person in political conversations. I have left-leaning views and only talked to left-minded people about how everything we thought was the right thing to do.
“They’re idiots. They have no idea what they’re talking about. How could they want that to happen? They’re wrong. Like so incredibly wrong.”
It was so frustrating. I’m stubborn. They’re stubborn. No one was going to cave. Until I realized that no one had to cave, we just had to understand.
I decided to subscribe to a couple pretty popular conservative political podcasts (one being The Ben Shapiro Show) to balance out my favorite left-leaning ones (shout out to Pod Save America). I was going to try and figure out why they were as stubborn in their beliefs as I was.
And guys. Guys. I’ll be honest, it was brutal.
At first they were tough to get through. It’s hard to hear someone bashing things you feel so strongly about. It’s hard to hear people make arguments that don’t make any sense to you morally, ethically, or against what you feel is common sense. It took a bit to let the words sink in, get past the frustration, and start really listening to what they were saying and why they were saying it.
Granted I’m only a few days in, but it’s interesting and I recommend giving it a shot.
If you’re a dog person, indulge your weird cat friend for a few minutes and let her show you some cute kitten pictures. If you’re a die-hard Trekkie, it wouldn’t kill you to go see a Star Wars movie.
It’s weird, it’s uncomfortable, but maybe it’ll open some empathy you didn’t know was there before.
