Things I love about being unemployed

At least, until all my money runs out.

  • It feels like I’m lying down in a park and looking at the horizon. I guess that means I love being on a vacation but sometimes I wake up in the morning and I have long beautiful day in front of me. No to-do-lists, no frantic emails; I’m just going to do as I please. It makes me want to learn how to do cartwheels.
  • Television binges. I watch a lot of television on a regular basis but not having pretend to be busy has just brought out the inner sloth bear in me. Oh, and what a wonderful time for Netflix, my enabler to arrive in India (It’s like they knew, gosh darn it!) In the past month, I have watched Bojack Horseman, Horace & Pete, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Flaked, Daredevil, Mozart in the Jungle and other shows I’m too embarrassed to name.
  • Exercising and working on a healthier lifestyle. Now, that I had some downtime, I figured why not get back on track and be healthy. Home-cooked meals, better sleep cycle and actual exercise.
  • Really realising how many hours there are in a day. Turns out, if you wake up early and go for a jog, you feel great. And then you realise how many hours you get in an actual day. Like, a lot and not enough television to fill them all up. No commute, no meetings, no con-calls to take up that space, holy shit! But, you’ll be happy to know, I figured out a way to lose track of time.
  • Smoking pot. I’m unemployed, I answer to no one and I can get high in the morning if I want, yeah, whatever, you’ve got a problem. Also, I listen to great music. Music is so great, man.
  • Repressing real panic. Sometimes I’ll close my eyes and I’m transported to my aforementioned park. The sky is bright blue with fluffy clouds, the grass feels wonderful, there are happy dogs running around, some squirrels have deftly cut my wrists and I’m bleeding slowly. There’s my talent bleeding away into the green grass, oh look these are best years getting away from me. Oh, did I mention, no emails from your boss on a Friday evening to ruin your weekend? Yay, unemployment, amirite!
  • Momentary determination. Sometimes a podcast or a tweet will really inspire me. This is my best time and I need to work on myself. I’m going to learn to play an instrument (I have no musical talent), I’m going to plan a routine and stick to it (9am — Tea, 10am — Joint, 10.30am — “Music is so amazing, I should get chocolate, who needs money anyway”) I’m going to sign up on Coursera or Skillshare and finish a class and be better (Hahahahahhahahahahaha).

I need a job.

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