Eeeer. From the top of my 25ish year old life, I want to tell you what I think.

You’re not a coward. A coward is a person who kills him/herself because of life’s difficulties. Living is difficult. Acknowledging a problem is difficult. You recognize having an issue here. Which is the first step to freedom. Fear of rejection. Where does it come from ? How do you stop being like that ?

I was the same. I still am a little bit. Afraid of not being good enough or loveable. It’s because I don’t love myself, that I hold on to people who I think love me, hold tight until they don’t want me anymore and I suffer. When you love yourself you know that you will find someone else who can truly love you just as you are and have a healthy relationship with that person.

Ask yourself : would you have lived with him again if circumstances hasn’t forced you to ? Do you want to make your relationship work ? And so on.

Most important matter : focus on yourself before you focus on your relationship. Make sure you heal before you sort anything out with him. From what I read he may need to heal too. You both do that. And be comfortable with yourselves then with one another. I’m single I know it’s easier said than done. But my friendships were very unhealthy relationships because of me being afraid of rejection and not loving myself. That’s why I wanted to give you advice from my perspective.

I sincerely hope this helps.

I’m sending you my love and prayers.