Being Selfish is The Only Way To Keep Her Happy. Here’s Why.

Of course you’ve heard the old saying “happy wife, happy life”. It sounds cool and all and I do concur that it’s probably a true statement. But in its entirety it’s short sighted. Many men would even say that the saying is one-sided and that any woman who would even utter this catchphrase is inherently selfish. But I feel the selfishness in the statement is the beauty of it and exactly what validates it the most in my eyes.

The catch is that a happy wife isn’t the only thing that leads to a happy life. There’s two catches actually, the first one being that this notion isn’t exclusive to wives. The same can be said for girlfriends, boyfriends and yes - husband’s. Happy partners make for happier lives across the board.

However, the biggest catch is that it isn’t your job to make your partner happy. It’s their job. The same can be said about you as a partner. It’s not your boyfriend or girlfriend’s job to make you happy. It’s their job to make themselves happy and your job to make your own damn self happy. If you’re not happy how can you even begin to make someone else happy? Huh?

That being said you have a responsibility to do whatever it is that makes you happy. For you narcissists out there this is is the easiest thing in the world and comes naturally. For the rest of us this takes practice and mindfulness as we tend to feel bad when we put ourselves first. Especially in relation to those we love.

A lot of times I hear people — usually people from older generations — look back fondly on their fathers. “He was a hard worker. He provided. He was a good father,” they say. But often times they go on to say how said father was an alcoholic, verbally or physically abusive, or just emotionally not supportive as a dad. Why?

He was miserable. He hated his life. Yes he stepped up as a man, worked hard, kept food on the table and roof over your head but he hated every minute of it. He wasn’t happy. All he did was work day in and day out to provide the bare minimum. But often times in that dynamic the price is dysfunction.

Happiness is underrated. Instead of making time for the things he truly enjoyed or at least figuring out what makes him happy, he went down the path of convention that tells us to put aside our own happiness and take care of our responsibilities.

Don’t get me wrong I’m a one hundred percent believer in taking care of your responsibilities. But responbility and happiness can’t be mutually exclusive and everyone needs to find a way for the two to coexist if they ever want functional, and non toxic relationships or families. Misery loves company. It does not foster happiness.

So if your life is centered around making sure your partner is happy and not enough time focusing on your own happiness, everything is going to end up collapsing. You’ll end up miserable and in turn she’ll end up being miserable. There’s no happy life, there’s no happy wife. Everything is just f’ed up.

So it’s your responsibility to yourself, your kids, your wife to focus on yourself and make yourself happy and also make sure they’re doing the same. Happiness is something that comes from within and spreads. The same can be said for misery. But nobody can pour either of these things onto anybody else. Especially if your cup is empty. Fill your cup up first and then share. Don’t feel bad about it either. It’s your duty.