Five Ways To Move Your Relationship Forward After A Public Setback

Sometimes our relationships are flaunted publicly in a way we wish they weren’t. Things hit the fan between you and bae and the timing and setting couldn’t be any worse even if the two of you had planned it. But you didn’t plan on it going like this. But here you are, going through the motions with an audience eagerly (or not so) looking on subconsciously deciding whose side to take in the two of you’s personal debacle. This could mean an argument in a public setting or a back and forth on social media. Either way you guys have an issue and audience and one, if not both of you, are going to come out of it humiliated. It happens to the best of us. But once the smoke clears and opinions are etched in stone, how does a relationship bounce back? Should it even bounce back? Moving forward after the holy grail of relationship faux paus can be tricky and there is no set in stone to bounce back besides just moving forward and not looking back. Here are five quick ways to make sure that process goes over ad smooth as humanly possible.

  1. A public apology/ appeal.

This step is completely optional. Itdepends on the scenario and you, the party involved. Personally, I’m usually not a fan of a public apology because ultimately what happens in your relationship is still ultimately between the two of you even if it didn’t occur within the public sphere. However, if you feel like apologies are in order for whatever reason (for instance a nasty fight at someone’s wedding) than by all means do what needs to be done. Be just be advised that to most people it will be but a part of “the show” that they now take your relationship as after your public blow up. Your life. Their entertainment. But in the eyes of some you may have saved face. Most people will generally forget about it. For anything that happens in the public eyes, you want to keep in mind the rule of threes. Forever ten people, three people will approve of what you do in public, three people will hate you for it and the other four just don’t give a damn either way. You’re apologies are typically for a third of the audience. Keep that in mind.

2. A sincere apology behind closed doors.

What’s most important is the feelings of the two people who were actually involved here. It is YOUR relationship after all. We all know that It takes two to tango. Even if you feel like you weren’t completely in the wrong apologize for your part in it (especially if you’re a guy whose reading this). Don’t apologize to each other in public. Apologize to the public if the situation was a big deal. But at the end of the day, this situation was the making of the two of you and only the two of you have to deal with the consequences. So appeal to each other before you do anything, because at the end of the day, this is who matters.

3. Draw boundaries.

Something like this will never happen again, and it’s up to the two of you to figure out how to make sure that it never does. Draw boundaries. Go back to the drawing board on the whole relationship if you have to.

4. Come to an understanding on how and if you can move on happily.

Sometimes there just might not be any looking or going back unfortunately. If this is the case, then you must face this behind closed doors. If you guys must go your separate ways, then by all means do so but keep it as in house as possible. Probably not the best idea to change your relationship status immediately, if you’re one of those retro couples who still pay attention to online relationship statuses. Also try to avoid the attention seeking “hey look at me, I’m single and I hate my ex IG memes”. You’ve already engaged in a public battle, now the couple of people who care only see you as entertainment. The rest don’t even care so why be public.

On the flipside, If things are salvageable, you need to come to terms with how you guys are moving forward. Are you going to just tuck it away forever and act like it never happened? Or are you going to change some things around based on the circumstances. This is ultimately for the two of you and only the two of you to decide.

5. Forgive

This step is self explanatory. If you decide to move on with the relationship, process it, get through it and forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive the other person. The keyword here is process, and it may indeed take some time to process it. But take your time and find a way to forgive. It’s important not to continue dwell on things forever and mentally beat one another up about it forever. This will ultimately serve no purpose, but to keep things rocky and lead to further dust ups. Forgiveness should make your bond grow stronger.

Bonus: Show that you are happy

Just don’t be so obvious, damnit! Blatant damage control is really not that easy to spot. But in the future when you guys do do something nice, go ahead and post a pic if that’s your thing. It’s possible to move forward and it’s completely ok that the two of you have found a way to do so. It’s okay to go back to posting and snapping as you guys continue to grow together in love. You may even inspire someone else who was in a similar situation and are struggling to move past their own mishaps. When it comes to social media inspiration, not influence should always be the outcome. What better influence than forgiveness, mercy and resilience?

Again, I’m not one for public appeal but if you must turn to public displays of affection, do be subtle. Don’t blatantly put yourself on trial in the court of public opinion.