Honesty

As I sit here in the wee morning hours, before the sun fully rises, I'm overcome with the peculiar world we live in. We grow up with certain guidelines and principles, some perhaps more than others, and yet we also grow up with the hypocrisy and undoing of all of these. Think about how important it was to be honest growing up.
You heard about honesty pretty much since you can remember. Whether from your parents, teachers, or sesame street. Its the way to be!
I remember learning a few songs about being honest, and I can still sing parts of them today. No doubt, We know what it means to be honest, and how to do it. 
The dictionary defines honesty as: free of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere

Think about your child self learning and knowing this and then seeing examples of the opposite. I know I'm not unique to this. Here's a few examples I can think of that I observed as a kid or maybe my kids would've observed from me:
-We go to an adults house for dinner and its the most disgusting food you’ve ever had but instead of being honest you have manners and say its good.
-You say thank you for the ridiculous gift, but wish they gave you money instead
-You tell someone they look good when asked so as to not their hurt feelings
-You say its ok when apologized to by someone who really hurt your feelings, even though its not ok and you are still hurt by it. 
-When one says, “to be perfectly honest” ..yet they aren't
-Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth-fairy… Need I say more

All these things we learn (and teach our kids) at such a young age. Its so confusing to really think about, and maybe that's why we don't think about it. Maybe it would hurt our brains or egos to much if we thought about what honesty really is and not just how we can make nice, be polite, or keep up appearances.

I have fought with myself for years about this topic. I wished I could be one of those true, honest, full of integrity types. I knew there were things in my life that I did or said to keep up with the appearance of a good life or religious person. At some point I decided it was more important to teach honesty than be honest. Then I learned that no matter how honest you are there may come a day when no one believes you.

So which is best? To be honest or not? Does the topic determine if you are or are not honest? These things would keep me up at night. I wanted better for my kids. I wanted them to know its more important to live an honest life than to appear to be. So there came the day I stopped the nonsense and started practicing being me and with no deceit. The more I practiced being fully me the more my life drastically changed. Now a few years later my life couldn’t be more different than how it was.
 I felt like this freedom and truth would help set my soul free. I felt that if I were to be raw and real that it would give my kids permission to do the same. I felt others could see and feel like they too had permission to be them. 
 I don't know if any of these things will be. But what I do know is what I see and have seen, now that I'm on the other side.

Here's the unfavorable things:
-I have seen people who judge 
- I see people who are no longer my friends or have “unfriended me”
-I have seen and heard people talk behind my back
-I have witnessed once close family and friends not even know how to talk to me
-I have seen my kids struggle to understand 
-I have become more recluse than is in me

As far as the positive side of things, well I think they are evolving. I have heard from others who have expressed their gratitude to me for being real. I have had opportunities to have hard conversations I would have never had. I have been able to learn how to forgive others and mostly myself. I have learned more spiritually and about God than ever before. I have seen who the truest of friends are that have supported and loved. 
I'm not certain what the future holds, but I'm certainly being honest about it all.

Through this I have felt more fully my purpose to share my light with others. I've been afraid to admit that my light isn’t your typical standard lightbulb. My light is the brightest light full of every freakin color! Perhaps a tie dye disco ball! I love all that life continues to teach me. Even if its confusing at times.

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