Shawn Schmid
Aug 31, 2018 · 3 min read

Hi Ezinne,

I know…I should definitely just listen, as I do not have any hair , and it’s been nine years since my wife and I watched Chris Rock’s, Good Hair, at the theater.

I just want to share a deeply personal story from my family of majority white people. (All of my relatives have married whomever they fell in love with; now we have the earth’s major ethnic groups as beloved members, as well.)

When my daughter was a teen, she taught me a life lesson that has grown ever more valuable. Briefly, it is this: when your woman — I don’t care if it’s me (my daughter said) or your wife — returns from getting her hair done, the only acceptable responses from a man are “good” or other synonyms that mean beautiful, and fantastic, and gorgeous. That’s IT! Dad. No jokes, no ha ha looks like a poodle, bullshit. That is the only thing we want to hear! We already agonized enough over this decision.

That shit is REAL, and I pass it along now to my brother human beings! I had made my usual-type “funny” remark, wow, honey, where’s your hair! And, I have a little sense, and I truly respect my wife at all times; I love her, she’s beautiful, so I know I added, your hair looks good, short like that.

But see, daughter Katie taught me and I’ve used the knowledge wisely ever since! You’ll be given numerous chances during a week or two, asked, do you really like it? (Oh! I love it! works here) You sure that short is right for the shape of my face? (Oh I’m more than sure — you are beautiful with your hair like it is now!)

So for the knowledge of men from all races, I pass along what my daughter taught me 15 years ago: For two weeks following a trip to get her hair done, as her loving partner, your response when asked for an opinion should only be positive! After the waiting period is up, you may slyly insinuate your opinions into the conversation, oh — it’s so cool how it takes you less time to get ready with your new ‘do — now you have to wait for me for a minute, please!

You can go so far as to quote alternative opinions, hm…honey, I remember you liked having longer hair sometimes when you were wearing that coat out to dinner! But I think it still looks good with the short cut. Yeah, you see what I did there…

But not Week 1, or 2! Oh no. A simple “fantastic!” will suffice. Now we have been married 22 years. Ask her about her husband; she will tell you, I have the best husband, ever! Take the little tips you are given, men. Good luck, keep those compliments coming!

I hope that Nappily Ever After turns out well, Ezinne. I see from the comments you sparked a debate. I know that ALL the beautiful women from Black Panther will continue to grace the screens — they will have their chances to educate us further on “good hair”, we can hope! More Danai Gurira, please!

Shawn Schmid

Written by

We all are equal, Atheists, Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Other, female, male, questioning. Education: B.A. Liberal Studies, M.A. Applied Linguistics

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