I want to also note that whilst reading this, it sent me down a rabbit hole of serial killer stories/articles, during a somewhat lazy Friday at the office.
I’d paste the name of someone you mentioned into Google, lose myself in their grisly stories, only to end up researching other more evil personas and instances of horrifying atrocities in history, through the links and referrals of unspeakable crimes I ended up reading about.
At one point, I took a coffee break, and when I came back with a clear head, I instantly closed all the open tabs and felt a sense of relief wash over me, from having closed that door into darkness. Bad stuff like that can bring a good man down on a good day, a dark cloud of negative energy (for want of a better explanation).
I commend people like you and pastors like the ones you mention who delve into the evils of others in order to make sense of it, or documenting it all under ‘crimes in history’. If you have a good imagination (re-enacting it all in your head), all that stuff can be very daunting on the mind and soul. A burden that just gets heavier and darker the more you learn of each case.
It’s one of the reasons why I enjoy fiction. Even a lot of dark and horror fiction. Because it’s an escape from the horrors of real crimes that involve real people (monsters in disguise), with real victims that have felt real pain and fear. And my mind is not strong enough to take on all the suffering these people endured, without me falling into a state of vindictive anger combined with melancholic phases at the flawed complexities of the human psyche.