
How to Win in the Tug of War You Play with Yourself Every Day
No doubt about it, life is not easy. There is so much to do and so much left undone, no matter what you have going on in your life, it is a challenge. If you are going to school you have classes, studying, social events, internships, networking for the future, and more. If you are a parent, you are trying to mold and shape a great future for your child while trying to keep a household and a career balanced. Somewhere in between the priority things, you have to put all the things that are simply maintenance in life and put some energy toward maintaining your health and stamina, because you can’t take care of other things or other people if you don’t take care of you.
So what if you are trying to develop a relationship with someone, where do you find the energy and focus for that? What if you are trying to develop skills for a new career or job? What if you are moving, looking to pay off debt with a second job or to save for a house?
What if you have aging parents that need your help, or you have a family member going through an illness?
How can you ever hope to win the game that pulls you this way or that every day?
There is so much that life can throw at you or that comes on too soon when you’re just trying to keep it together.
So, how do you fit in the things that will enhance your life, support your health, or make you feel like you are living and not just existing? How do you get unstuck?
That tug of war is going to always be a back and forth, unless you decide to do what it takes to win. You can move life into the direction you want, even with detours and demands thrown at you, but it takes discipline.
The first step is realizing that this is your life. It won’t look like anyone else’s life, because it isn’t. Maybe someone else takes vacations while you take classes. Maybe they buy new clothes while you pay off debt. Maybe they buy a new handbag while you put money away for a down payment on a new house. Maybe they watch television while you walk for a mile. Maybe they watch the trending event on television while you study or help your child study. Maybe someone else goes out for a romantic weekly date night while you and your partner split up to get the grocery shopping done and take a child to a sporting practice. Your life isn’t going to look like anyone else’s life, so don’t compare and don’t judge yours against someone else.
Next step is to examine where you are putting your time and energy. Both are limited and you only have so much to give in a day. You are going to have to figure out if you are throwing it away because or habit, judgement, or pressure or you are putting it where it belongs to bring you the life you want. You can’t sit on the phone for an hour with a friend because it is what you always do when you should be putting time into decluttering your home so you are less stressed, or when you should be exercising to be healthier. Choices have to be made. Those choices should be dictated by you and they should propel you forward. Don’t stay stuck because it is comfortable, step outside your comfort zone, be disciplined for your goals and choose wisely. Also, make sure you are controlling your time and not others.
Most people find it helpful to chart their days in detail to stay disciplined. If you have a list of what must be done, then when a friend calls you to chat for an hour then you are reminded of where you need to spend your time. You can kindly let them know you love them, want to make sure all is well, but let them know you have to put your energy elsewhere.
Plan out in detail what you want to accomplish and what must be done to keep you moving forward. Your plan will keep you on a path toward the life that you want. Keep focused on that detailed plan and it will be your map to success. Each step followed with discipline is a step closer to your goals and the life you want. Don’t step away from your plan.
With your choices made and your plan in place, the next step will be learning to say “No” to what was your usual paths, the ones that are normal and comfortable for you, so that you can say “Yes” to the new, the exciting, and wanted life you have envisioned.
Every “no” can lead you to a “yes” for your happier life. Most of those “no” moments will be with yourself rather than others. It will be you stepping up to that tug of war game and putting all of your weight and determination on one side of the rope. You will feel the push and pull each and every day in the beginning, until you no longer feel the pull to say yes to what was keeping you stuck or pushing you backwards. Soon it will be the new focus that is comfortable and you will be putting your energy and time toward choices that are making a change.
You have one life filled with a limited number of days, hours, minutes, and seconds. Truly it is limited. Spend your time and energy on making this the best life for you and don’t make choices just because others make them. What you do today will determine your future tomorrow. Say “no” so you can say yes. Say “no” to immediate pleasures in life so you can say “yes” to longer lasting ones in the future.
Playing tug of war is a tiring effort when one side is the life you step up for occasionally against the life you step into because it is easy or comfortable, yet not what you really need or want. It’s time to plant your feet firmly onto the side that you know will bring you choices of greater joy, life experiences, happiness, and good health. Be disciplined, get unstuck, rise to your potential, and fight for the life you want. Win, drop the rope, and walk away toward a new way of living that has you thriving and not just surviving. Make it happen.
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