Feeding My Fat Body, Feeding My Soul

There is nothing neutral about the act of eating when you’re fat.

Shannon Ashley

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Photo by William Clemente on Reshot

Sometimes I want to scream, but I wonder if anyone could ever hear it beneath all these layers of fat. I think about how in a perfect world I would not worry about money the way I do today, the way I do lately. And I wouldn’t worry about the basics of life like shelter, friendship, and oh yeah--food.

On the hierarchy of all addiction, battling food is so utterly unsexy. Not that a heroin or cocaine addiction is supposed to win you lovers, but let’s get real--people are often drawn to the tortured artist, dark and broody soul. As long as they’re you know, conventionally attractive.

But people with food addiction can be just as dark, brooding, and tortured. I promise. It’s just that it’s basically more acceptable and understandable to admit you have a drug addiction than admit you struggle so severely with food.

Like, who does that? Only overly fat and lazy people, right? People who are slow and dumb and more animal than human. People who don’t deserve love. They deserve every bit of mockery they get because obesity is a serious disease. It is an illness costing the country money. Costing the world money. And fat people are far too lazy to justify spending more money.

Did I mention that I wanted to scream?

The things I read online about obesity make me so angry because I know first hand how terrible it can be. But you know, it’s bad enough battling this ugly addiction. The truth is that no place is safe for us either. Not real life or the internet.

There is always someone who wants to make us see the light. Dole out some tough love. Like they don’t think we know we’re fat. Oh, gee! Thank you! Like we don’t know society see us as a waste of space and financial drain.

Oh good, last night I found another article about how terrible obesity is. Now even more people can read it and rail against the people who dare be fat and inappropriate. But like any other "cause,” as long as people focus on obesity in terms of the dollar amounts spent on healthcare, the campaign will be ineffective. When they talk about obesity, they’re talking about people. Oh, except they’re not because they’re…

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Shannon Ashley

It's not about being flawless, it's about being honest. Calling out vipers since 2018 🍵 https://ko-fi.com/shannonashley 📧 truthurts.substack.com