Someone please explain online dating to me
I’m a straight dude, so I can only speak to what I see from women interested in men. I’m sure everyone acts equally strange, if in different ways.
- What is up with women that like my profile then won’t respond to a friendly, personal message? Seriously, what does it even mean to like my profile if you don’t want to have a conversation.
- Women with completely generic profiles that write “Ask me anything you want to know.” How would I even know what to ask or whether I should care? All I know is that you are funny (or so you claim), eat food, and watch popular TV shows on Netflix.
- Women that only talk about themselves. So you’ve elected to exchange messages with me. I presume that means you are at least potentially interested in a first date. So why do I feel like I’m pulling teeth to carry the conversation? I know you visited my profile — did you read it? My life and interests are pretty unusual, yet you haven’t asked me a single question or commented on anything about me. If there’s something you’re hoping I’ll say to indicate I’m worth your time, why not just ask me about it directly?
There are very few things as demoralizing as spending half an hour (let’s be honest, sometimes more) trying to verbalize the vague sense that the woman who wrote this profile is someone I might want to know, condensing it into a message that is personal, interesting, and respectful, only to be met with silence. And then to do it again twenty times…to be met with silence. After a while it becomes very difficult to muster the emotional energy to compose a thoughtful opening message.
I sometimes wonder if my profile sucks, if my pictures are bad, or perhaps some particular detail is a red flag to many women (not necessarily a bad thing if it filters out people I would not get along with). But then I look at other people’s profiles and conclude, no, I have at least as much idea what I’m doing as anybody else does.
Is there some key insight I’m missing here?