Why is it so difficult for people to wrap their heads around the concept of homosexuality in India? There have been a lot of answers for that from labeling people as “Homophobics” to “Morons”, Many many names. I am an active supporter of gay people and their rights, It is simple, I don’t care who your life partner is. When Japan can embrace their citizens having virtual girlfriends and begin showing lack of carnal desires, then this should be okay, shouldn't it? (If I have set off your curiosity, Check out the nintendo game “Love plus”, Let me know how it goes)

But today I want to stand in the place of the those who cannot understand this choice and those who cannot accept this part of the society. Why can’t they? Why do parents flip? Why do people want to “treat it”? I am going to layer out the subtle aspects of Indian culture and how it attributes to this public attitude.I have had conversations about homosexuality with my mom, and I know she tries to keep a straight face and accept this as a part of the society while she has to come to terms with it on her own time, But why was it easy for me to accept my gay friend while my mom squirms at mere newspaper articles? Is it because, somehow I am a better person? Why, a mother ,who can actively stand in the place of a murderer and defend their decision in a discussion cannot be normal with this issue? I had many questions and decided to go to my professor in social anthropology department. This is a very brief discussion my professor and I had during a class. It is to develop a cultural understanding from the view of parents struggling to accept their gay children and not an article to support those claiming to cure gay-ness with breast milk. Yes, that claim was true. Google it.

Now, Let me begin by explaining the concept of personal space in India, Oh wait! We don’t really have any. We are a gregarious culture, and have always been a curious bunch. Personal space is a cultural concept, it varies. Americans are quite big on wanting personal space, they feel invaded when you stand close to them, Brazilians don’t mind PDAs, Indians get squished into a pulp in public places most often than you think and they don’t really have an option(We will get to that, later). Take a walk in Renganathan street, Chennai, if you don’t believe me. Edward.T.Hall must have forgotten to visit India when he wrote about personal spaces in “The Hidden Dimension”.

We have established that Personal space is not a widely practiced concept in India, But there is a need for some sort of ground rules as to who can come close to you, and the only one in subconscious practice is the use of “ Gender space”.

Women keep a strict personal boundary when it comes to men, but would easily change clothes in front of other women. Vice versa. Get on a public bus in India, look intently and assess the way the seats get filled. If a woman is sitting in three seater, a man would never take the seats next to her, other women do. If at all there are no seats left, he would sit on the seat, with one empty in the middle.

Growing up in big families, kids of all genders are allowed to play together but as they grow up, the girls are restricted to physical play with boys, they learn to group themselves based on gender, A strict personal space is maintained between genders. Be it cousins or friends, this is employed from childhood days.

The sexual energy between the genders is the reason for this deeply rooted construction of gender based personal space in India.

In most European and American homes, every child has his/her own room, their sanctum. How many Indians do you think grew up in their own rooms? Most children call it a lucky day getting handed over clothes, separate rooms is a dream stuck on the horizon. In an average Indian’s home, The children all get a single room, or the Sisters/cousins are put in one room and boys in one in case of joint families. In an extended family gathering, Indians sleep under the same roof or on the roof if the crowd is big, there is never a “We don’t have enough beds for everyone” situation, Indians share beds with relatives/ friends and this structured based on gender, Women sleep in the same room, Men share beds. It is quite common.

We are a culture with practices like cousin marriage, joint families and arranged marriages. The structure of the functioning of these practices are also gender based. Girls are brought up together at a distance from the boys even under the same roof. The culture revolves around acknowledging the unspoken erotic energy between genders and most practices in an average Indian’s home.

On accepting Homosexuality as a part of the culture, The entire structure collapses, Indians take their gender based culture differences quite seriously, It is ingrained in their everyday life. From taking the bus to work, to changing clothes after a dip in the holy water. The paradigm shift leaves those who were brought up in this culture quite confused on what norms to follow, The ‘rules-following’ Indian becomes, an ever ‘confused-speculative’ Indian. On what rules will they base their family structure? On what rules will they function? Who will they sit next to on the bus? Imagine having to find a room to keep every child in a separate “personal space” as they grow up. With this population and economy, it is not literally possible. “Why should you keep them separate?”, Well, it is one thing to ask one of world’s biggest cultural group to accept a new view of life, it is another thing to ask them to change it completely. Syncretism is the only way a culture changes peacefully, Not by aggressive campaigning. Understanding and slow intervention has changed millions of cultures but in the ways that the cultures chooses to accept them, from Trobrianders playing cricket with sexual chants to celebrate their harvest to Ambonwari of Papua new Guniea using mobile phones to talk to the dead.

All those 20 something people out there, will you be able to accept a world without internet ten years from now? This is similar to that, a feeling of being stripped of everything you believed was your way of life. Giving the benefit of doubt to those struggling with accepting that this is a part of life would be a good move.