Did I ask people to believe in me?

Did I pretend to make them believe that I am a good person?

I always did what I thought right in that moment. Sometimes my choice of words may seem harsh. I as a person never tried to hurt people but my way of seeing things sometime may hurt others.

Given the time I may come across what was my fault and sometimes it may go unnoticed.

I never acted like a stoic.

I am a simple human being with emotions and anger as everyone else.

Sometimes I may express my anger where it is not required. Sometimes I may look as arrogant.

Do I defend my wrong doings? No, Never.

I ask people to tell me what I did wrong so I can better myself.

I am a small person who lived in small circumstances. My way of looking things may differ from yours.

If you want to have a cordial relation with me, Why not point out the bad? Why my Good deeds and all the Good things that I have done evaporated just because of one bad thing.

Are humans supposed to be perfect?

Are you perfect?

Am not a person to defend wrong doings, I never was. Even If a small kid comes and points out my mistakes and If I see that as a mistake I heart fully accepts my mistakes and apologize.

I may talk rubbish sometimes but what happened to all the good things that I shared?

I act foolish and Childish because am a lone person, even those small things that people usually don’t get excited about makes me happy. Even if someone calls me out of the blue and ask me how I am, I feel very happy.

I am a caring person. I cry when people I loved doesn’t care about me. I want people’s attention and affection. I cried when a person who I thought my best friend used me as a laughing stock to have a chat with a girl. Oh, am I telling this to have your sympathy? No, please! I don’t require that. I have enough experience in living alone without anyone to take care. So, No issue in that front.

Every time I watch a movie, Inadvertently I fell in love with the concept of Love and love making. Because all through my life I’ve been through criticism and carelessness. I never was/is a talkative person and when it is time that I speak I talk straight forward and people get hurt by my words. Growing up, people were more interested in labeling me and making fun of how I can’t mingle with people. But, less they cared about my personality.

I always been a creative person. From the early years that I can remember from my life I was writing and expressing my feelings through writings instead of talking to people.

I am emotional but less attached to the feelings of ours over mine.

I am an introvert, it’s hard for me to mingle with people and it is really hard for me to consider or call someone as a friend.

I try to give priority to myself but never take others for granted.

I have this helping nature. I prefer feeding others over filling my stomach. Oh, Is that too cinematic? No, my family taught me to share even when you don’t have enough for yourself.

Am I a good person?

Who said I am a good person. I am not. I have done things that I regret throughout my life. But, I never harmed someone.

Why I am writing this then?

People, I ask you to don’t make a quick decision on me. I say it again, am not a good person. So, take your time believing in me and at the same time don’t come to conclusions when I do something out of my character because I am not that consistent in holding my feelings and with my past relations I learnt it the hard way that people go away as quick as they come into your life.

They come expecting more and thinking as you are epitome of goodness. I repeat, I am not.

I am a simple human being with mood swings and they are so common for me because I stay alone. I stay alone in the little space I create in my mind. Even when the room is filled with persons from my life I stay alone in that comfortable isolated space. However, I love someone taking care of me because that is What I never had.

Containing my tears while writing this and telling myself that there are lot of people out there who doesn’t deserve an honest person like me.

Again. Am not arrogant or over confident. I just lack a guiding path.

My parents are not educated, though they had provided me everything that I ever ask for there was a clear lack of guiding and caring for me.

I thought, I knew everything because at the age when other children had their parents to help them with things, I was taking care of my own because my parents can’t differentiate between a notebook and a passbook.

I rest it saying, I may not be a good person but, I am certainly not a bad person.



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Siva Sankar P G

Siva Sankar P G

The guy who likes to preach what he practices.