The First 100 Days

I’ve been blogging off and on for 15 years. I guess my previous blogs (s/o to Xanga) were me casually rambling about life, but I never thought my health would be the main topic. Writing about my experiences has helped me process everything. I can’t hide and pretend nothing has changed.

Everything has changed since April 12, 2017.

I’ve gone through so many ups and downs — I feel like I’ve experienced every single emotion. There have been panic attacks, laughter, tears, and moments where it almost felt like I was my “old self.” I’ve had to have conversations that I never that I’d be having at this point in my life. My now and my future have been discussed so much that I sometime get tired of it. What I’m dealing with won’t go away, unless within my lifetime a cure is found.

I distinctly remember when they were testing my cognitive functions post attack, they mentioned that keeping my mind active was best. Talking to people was better than mindlessly binge watching a show. I’m a huge binge watcher, so I haven’t kicked that habit BUT I have been trying to add on things that are good for me personally or professionally. At the same time, I enjoy being busy. What I’m still working on is not being so stressed out all the time. Filling my time with positive things just means I find new and creative ways to stress myself out. The first 100 days and beyond have really been about finding balance in the ups and downs.

As I continue to work on balancing my life, I have been able to accomplish some things that I’m so proud of. On day 25 I walked up and down 100 steps. I went back to work on day 54. I wore 4 inch heels for a night (and didn’t fall!) on day 86. And today, on day 105, I’m able to look back and know that I’m stronger and more resilient than I ever thought I was. I’m so thankful for the amazing support I have — I would not have made it this far alone.

I re-read my first post and it felt like a distant memory. I’m so glad I captured that moment in time. I don’t have videos from while I was in the hospital, but my words were enough for me to realize things can get better in time.

My phone background has been, “Be Good To Yourself Too” for well over a year, but it took a scary experience for me to finally take this to heart. Better late than never, right?

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