Is it okay to call myself a lesbian if I’ve never slept with a woman?

This is something I worry about a lot more than what I probably should. I think part of the problem I’m having is that I feel like I should have at least some experience with women by now.

I think I’ve always known at some level that I’m attracted to women. It took me a little longer to realize that I wasn’t into guys. I did have sex with a guy once (you know how closet days are). It wasn’t my cup of tea. But I can’t seem to get past this feeling that it’s somehow wrong to call myself a lesbian if I haven’t had sex with a girl. With the amount of time it’s been since I came out, at times I even start to feel ashamed of myself because of it.

When I came out, I was dating a guy and broke up with him because of it. I still feel kind of bad that I did that to him. I haven’t been in a relationship since then. I’ve been single for about 5 years now. I’m in my mid 20’s and the longer I go without having sex, the scarier it seems to get. I’m well aware that this anxiety I have surrounding sex is probably one of the biggest factors preventing me from getting the experience I feel like I should have at this point. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make me any less worried about being really bad in bed.

Sometimes when I think about this stuff, I start to wonder why it matters so much. Am I worried I’m not living up to the weird assumptions that people seem to make when I tell them I’m gay? Is it the fact that society seems to make sex out to be such an important thing? Is it the sheer amount of sex in media? It’s probably a combination of some or all of these.

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