Dear Future Wife, I Want To Talk About Our Wedding


Dear Future Wife,

I anticipate the 3 happiest days of my life to be:

  • the day my first child is born
  • our wedding
  • when the Knicks win a championship

While Brandon Jennings is balling and Carmelo is coming off his greatest off-season ever, I want to talk to you about #3.

Chubbie Baby’s wedding was beautiful, inspiring and eye opening. Love from family, friends, rappers and well wishers filled the room. Definitely one of the most magical experiences of my lifetime.

DJ Infamous, vibe, decor, dessert…everything was 100% on point. Sometime after my second Manhattan, an epiphany hit: we need to get ahead of the big day with some ground rules. So here’s what I’m thinking:

HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE YOU HAVE FUN LOLZ*

*you have 100% control

  • Cutlery
  • Color Scheme
  • Flowers
  • Pastor (unless Eckhart Tolle is available)
  • Registry
  • Bachelorette Party (don’t ask, don’t tell)

KINDA CARE BUT I TRUST YOU BABY

  • Seating Chart (except where you put my cousins…don’t try to play them…they’re from the Bronx…they will cut someone)
  • Cake (suggestion: rum cake is fire)
  • Date (it’ll be nice in the Fall so people aren’t sweating)
  • Invitations (just gotta be fly)
  • Honeymoon (whatever’s going to get you in the honeymood HA I MADE A FUNNY! I just want to take pictures)
  • Venue (prefer in-doors but could be swayed)

MUTUAL APPROVAL TWO SIGNATURE SIGN-OFF

  • Location (Not a fan of destination weddings. What if someone you love don’t got it like that? Passport issues? Parolee? Old? It’s nice for pictures but not functional)
  • Guestlist/Head Count (no randoms & we’re scrutinizing all +1s)
  • Bartenders (need to meet who will have everyone a little smizzzzzz)
  • Food (my family is Trinidadian…they need oxtail)

THIS IS HAPPENING DON’T @ ME BRO

  • Music (picking the DJ, live singers, band…if there’s music playing in the elevator I WANT IN…just email me your list of songs and it will be thoroughly reviewed by management)
  • Photographer (these moments need to be captured epicly…classic black and white…got my short list already: Van, Hannah, Rolexx, Renell, Raven….and you know I’ll have my Leica on)
  • Groomsmen Fits (we going out like Ocean’s 11…might wear fitteds…might wear sneakers…might bring back Versace shades..)
  • Bachelor Party (see ‘Groomsmen Fits’)

Well that’s about it babe. Glad we had this talk. Can’t wait to share the rest of my life with ya. Please keep a print out of this in your pocket for the whole engagement period.

🙃

Love,

The Hubs

Like what you read? Give Sickamore a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.