Did you ever stop to think about me? How heavy I would feel in your absence? You never, ever thought that I would be devastated? That I would stretch my mouth over my teeth with the same brightness when you left?
Maybe, just maybe, I needed you.
No, I didn’t need you. But you were a lovely, even heaven sent addition to my life. I remember the first time I came to see you, I had begged my friend to drive me to your place. I stayed in the front seat, so scared you would see the pimple on my cheek I’d gotten that morning. I wasn’t supposed to be out that late, it was 11 at night. My mother didn’t know I was with you, but she cared where I was. I told her McDonalds.
The only reason I left was because she called.
And, you know, I do believe in soulmates. I believe that people are put into your life and they’re meant to stay, I believe that we were meant to be in each other’s lives forever. But maybe she was a better companion to you, the girl I grew up with. Maybe she loved you deeper than what you allowed me to.
But be careful. I must guard my heart. I must learn that there will always be someone better fitted for you than I.
I just have to ask if you cared. Did you care that I was losing hours of sleep thinking about our late night talks? Or over analyzing everything you’ve ever said to me? Would you care if I told you that, when you left, I didn’t speak for days? Not to my girlfriend, not my best friend. They didn’t understand the longing looks or the way I checked my phone every two minutes, they couldn’t.
I don’t think you would, and that’s okay. I must guard my heart and tread lightly.