On letting go
Just a random thought bubble.
So, I’m in the bus driving home from my class trip [well, was when writing the article] and there’s one thing I’m realising right now:
I urgently need to learn how to let go.
You know, this is (or rather was) our final trip and in less than 3 months our class will be no longer.
And now it’s over. I honestly don’t know what to do right now.
I mean, I know it’s inevitable but I just can’t seem to stop searching for a way to have everything be as close to what it was as possible.
I suppose I should just accept that it will be over soon and be grateful for what I had and what I learned.
I should let it go.
But doesn’t letting something go mean, maybe not exactly to forget something, but maybe to make it matter less in your life? To stop something from being such an important part of you?
I don’t want to do that with my class. I don’t want the feeling of being accepted while being known, feeling infinite even, just to be a memory next to never being revisited.
In 'Let It Go' by MFB it says "Let it go and taste the freedom | Embrace the rainy morning | There’s so much more to search for".
I do want to 'taste the freedom’, but is that really worth what I’m losing? My classmates know me like nearly no one else. I don’t feel put under pressure or being forced to be someone I’m not by them . They don’t expect me to be any different. I can taste the freedom when I’m with them.
I really want to 'embrace' the rainy morning, want to be able to let myself into whatever is coming next without bias.
But most importantly, while I know that there’s 'so much more to search for' stopping now, after we’ve come such a long way, feels like having constructed a perfectly nice house with only the roof missing but then being dragged away from your work, leaving the house undone, and afterwards starting a second house from scratch. All the work, enthusiasm, time, passion you’ve put into building the first house has been for naught. No one will ever use your house again.
And where will you live while constructing the second house if not in the first?
You see, I don’t even know if I actually want to let go.
But what I do know is that I’ll have to let go if I don’t want it to break me. And I still have absolutely no clue how to do that.