Don’t Touch Me! Or How to Identify a Schizoid Partner

Having an unhealthy relationship is probably the most destructive circumstance in one’s life. We can overcome tremendous obstacles if we have a supportive shoulder to lay our head on. However, there are many personality disorders, that can make our relationship dysfunctional. Today I would like to focus on schizoid personality disorder.

How Comes You Got Involved With a Schizoid?

If you were born into a family with a schizoid you had no choice. And obviously, you had no luck. It is not easy to have such childhood but once you are a grown-up, you can rely solely on yourself, develop healthy relationships with your peeps and your life changes to better.

On the other hand, if you had a bad childhood or bad life phase, you are prone to making bad decisions as to the choice of a partner. If you had a dysfunctional relationship recently, you should not rush towards a new one because most likely that relationship won’t work as well.

It is very often that we overestimate the expectations of the new partner and underestimate the importance to choose the right partner. After having a bad childhood, a bad relationship or bad life phase you suffer from a low self-esteem and low self-worth. Despite the only thing you want at that moment (or always) is somebody who would love you, you should first invest time into getting your emotions in order.

Sadly, in most cases, when we look for the feeling of being loved, important and valued we don’t look inside ourselves but we look for someone else to provide us with it. This is the case when a schizoid can catch your eye.

How exactly have a schizoid grabbed your attention? He:

• seems to be a solid guy with his life together, relatively good salary, never-married, no emotional baggage and no drama
• is boring and conservative, which might be good after having a turbulent life
• is not weighing you with his problems
• has no bad friends taking him out drinking
• is shy, nerdy, which seems responsible and reliable for you
• looks to be safe to be around — you don’t expect any violence or drama from him
• can provide the feeling of security
• provides assurance — he will be there and he will be the same, and his mood will be the same

This way it starts. You are looking for someone calm and stable, even boring and you get yourself a schizoid.

Signs That Your Spouse Is a Schizoid

If you are already married or in a relationship and your significant other is not acting as you would wish, you might face a question whether he is a schizoid. So let’s see.

• he seldom speaks to you
• he is unable to discuss any emotional issue
• he is present physically….sometimes mentally…almost never emotionally
• you feel lonely even when he is around
• you often do the guess game — what and how he feels
• he shows little affections — weeks or months without kissing, touching and sex
• he has no friends, no close relationship with members of the family
• he doesn’t recognize a non-verbal language
• you become a sad shell of yourself
• he is cold, distant and avoiding
• he has low EQ
• he is very detached
• it is not important to him to share the information
• he is narcissistic

What to Do?

Does any of the above sound familiar? You feel not loved, depressed, lonely or even betrayed. Oh, believe me I know how you feel. There is a difficult decision to make — will you stay or will you go?

Although there are many personality disorders that might be more dangerous to be around, a schizoid is probably the one that has the least hope to change. A schizoid is feeling OK being schizoid, so he doesn’t look for help or treatment. Any suggestion of changing ANYTHING is a burden to him. There are no medications to treat a schizoid and there is no record that being in a therapy would help in a significant way.

If you feel lonely around him you WILL feel lonely around him. He will not change. It’s hard for me to be this ruthlessly honest but you probably feel it deep inside already.

However, if you want to stay and continue living with a schizoid there are few adjustment you can do to make your life better:

• explain things reasonably and rationally (he doesn’t understand when you yell or cry, that won’t change his behavior)
• don’t expect empathy or affection
• swallow that only physical support will be provided
• build your relationship on the pillars of logic, reason and fair game

I hope this helps. Although it is sometimes very hard to hear the truth it is always the best to know where you are. Then you can make some adjustments (smaller or bigger ones) to a better life. To a happier you.

Originally published at createmeaningfullife.com on July 17, 2018.