On the Importance of Medical Autocannibalism

Medical autocannibalism — eating parts of yourself for real or perceived health benefits — is finally hitting mainstream. And I couldn’t be happier about it.

The ancient Norwegian fishermen knew all about it. The Sumerians, Incas and Mesopotamian dwellers were no strangers to it. But we, the lazy fat couch-potatos of the 21st Century have forgotten all about it.

I’m going to change all this.

Top-7 Body Parts to Devour for Fun and Profit

  1. Nails: Eating nails calms your nerves. Could also mean you’re stressed.
  2. Blood: An excellent source of iron.
  3. The entire head: Difficult-ish to consume, but contains a lot of healthy fats (brains are in fact almost entirely made of fat).
  4. Bone broth: Extremely benefitial for your gut health. If you’re a grass-fed human, your bone broth will be even better for you!

OK, you got me. There were only four in this list. But seven makes for a sexier title.

This is a Poor Article. I’m not Clapping.

It’s ok. I just want a #1 hit in Google:

They say everything is saturated.

Wrong. Medical self-cannibalism is not saturated.

I’m just going to prove them wrong.