Why we need to stop writing about no bullshit motherhood.
Or better, why people need to stop giving us reasons to.
For months on end I’ve heard the “no mom is the perfect mom” catch phrase. Well guess what? I am the perfect mom, at least for my child. Why? Well simply because no one is going to love her or care for her like I am, and at the end of the day every kid thinks his/her mom is the best (birth or adoptive) I know I did…maybe that is just the way I was raised.
We all know there’s this phenomenon that starts to happen the second you tell people you are pregnant, it’s called unsolicited advice, and there’s no way to stop it, but there should be. And every other mom around will tell you to pay no attention to it or to apply selective hearing, when they should be telling you to scold these people and ask them if their mamma didn’t teach them no manners or common sense.
I know, I know, I sound like an entitled snob, but unsolicited advice, often comes hidden behind an order and not actual advice, and, when you are a new mom there’re few things as annoying as being bossed around. Let’s forget for a second you just pushed a person out of your vajayjay, or had surgery performed on you to get said person out in the world, let’s forget you’re uncomfortable with pain and scars and tired AF because this tiny human you just brought to the world doesn’t sleep hours on end and wants to feed every 1.2 seconds. Yes, forget all that, because on top of that you are already questioning every move you make even though you seem to have everything under control for everyone else, you do not need people telling you what to do as if it was a must, when you also probably have already read countless books (I sure did) and googled everything twice.
So why is it that people have this urge to “advice” you to nurse your baby on a schedule or having to give baby formula because she doesn’t seem to be getting enough to eat or never letting baby use you as a pacifier, or you better not let him get used to being held all the time? And the worst part is, I have found myself scolding MYSELF for giving advice in this same way, it’s like someone wired us like that. You have a four-month old baby? Well then you sure as hell can be the expert in *introduce parenthood topic*…f*&k no, I’m not, and neither are you, so please refrain from telling me or any other mom what we HAVE to do, we are doing our best and as long as the baby is healthy and happy, who cares? That’s why there is no one way to parent, and every parent has their style.
Still need to give me some advice? That’s fine, then please rephrase your way of advising, and tell me what worked for you and why you think it’s going to work for me, but get to know me a bit first, don’t tell me that I should give my baby a pacifier when I don’t want to for whatever reason, or to give her water if I’ve decided to exclusively breastfeed, or vice versa, don’t make me feel bad for supplementing or giving my baby formula if I think that’s the best for my baby and family. Every family is a world and you don’t know the ups and downs that intercede when parents make their decisions.
Maybe this turned out to be “another article on why not to write about no bullshit motherhood” but case and point, I shouldn’t have had to write this, people should be polite and give sincere advice, not orders. No, I wasn’t bossing you around right there, or was I?