Is it possible to feel sexy when you’re chronically ill?
The last thing I feel when I’m under the weather is sexy and beautiful. Problem is that I’m under the weather all the time due to chronic illness. Maybe if I start thinking about my efforts living with chronic illness as beautiful accomplishments, I’ll start feeling more confident?
Do you know that flu feeling when your body is either oozing sweat or mucus all the time and your skin looks like a piece of medieval parchment? It feels nasty and it’s certainly not the sexiest look either. Luckily, it goes away and you can go back to being a level of confidence that’s higher. For most chronically ill people, that's not the case. We feel sick all the time and it takes our confidence and sense of self-worth away.
I'll start with my own personal story. I'm chronically ill; I've got chronic migraines, whiplash syndrome from two whiplashes and a minor concussion, three shoulder surgeries, radiating pain all through my right upper body, Raynaud's Syndrome, and beginning rheumatoid arthritis. And that’s just the stuff I’m able to explain. I’ve got no diagnosis but am still labeled as a chronic pain patient — a “spoonie” — just like many others out there.
Even on my good days, I feel shitty, almost like that disgusting flu feeling is permanent. And because my journey with pain, accidents, and illness has been long and complicated, my body has changed constantly and with it the perception of my own beauty. I've tried various medications, diets, life patterns to help me get better — all to no avail. I’ve been told to exercise a lot, then not at all and. Because of the various drugs and general bad shape I've been in, my weight has fluctuated quite a bit. And I have to admit that I've been sort of lazy a lot of the time too, because why even bother when it's not going to help me anyway. Yo-yoing like that has made me feel extremely self-conscious and doubtful of my own beauty and sexiness, and I've realized that it's a common problem for people who face illness and pain on a daily basis.
Your inner saboteur is taking over control. Take it back
Yo-yoing isn’t the only problem, however. I know of people who have solely gained weight and some who have lost more than what was good for them. Regardless of the outcome, it’s been an unnatural process getting there, much of which we don’t have any control over.
When you’re unable to control events around you, you lose confidence in yourself.
How do we change that inner voice that tells us we look like we feel: shitty? Is it possible to feel pretty and confident even though our struggles are ever-present? I hope the answer is yes.
We often feel like we have to give up, that giving up is the only point we can be at, and I wish we would challenge that more often. I'm not saying you should change you or the way you look, because I know from experience that that is as good as impossible when you're battling with chronic illness. Instead, I want you to challenge the way you see yourself.
Being beautiful is a feeling, not a look
Think about the number of struggles you go through every day. Think about how hard it can be just to get out of bed in the morning. Just getting started every day is a mountain of hardship. So, just in doing that, I think you deserve a medal! Other people don't struggle with that on top of everything else, and I truly think you should pat yourself on the back for being able to lift such a heavy burden.
When we feel physically bad all the time, it takes a huge toll on our mental wellbeing as well and how we see ourselves. For me, it's a big problem that I want to live up to regular beauty standards and maintain a healthy lifestyle when that’s simply not possible when I'm constantly in pain. When I feel like I fail at these things, I start belittling myself and talk in self-deprecating ways or use distancing humor to let others know that I don't care or that I'm not good enough. It's so true, we are our own worst enemies!
Mental illnesses are chronic as well, and as someone who’s also dealt with both depression and anxiety, I believe there’s a parallel between many chronic illnesses and the way they affect the vision we have of who we are.
Because we’re sick, we often feel like we’re failing at being ‘normal’ or being basic humans, that our problems are a burden to everyone else and that we’re just not good enough. You may feel that way too, but it’s not true.
So I want to go back to that everyday struggle we're facing. Staying afloat in all that pain and misery is as strong and powerful as anything, and I want you to hear that voice in your head instead of the one that says you're failing.
We're so far from failing. We’re surviving.
Don't change yourself, just change your attitude a little. You might not believe that your condition will take a turn for the better, and that’s okay — I don’t think hope is the only goal for the chronically ill. You might not believe that the odds are in your favor because let’s be real — they probably aren’t. What you should believe, in my opinion, is that your fight is awe-inspiring and genuine. Believe in yourself and your journey. If that’s not beautiful, then I don’t know what is!
“Spoonie” is the affectionate term used to describe those who suffer from chronic illness. Read why I think that term is so helpful right here.
Can’t sleep? Me neither! Chronic pain patients often have a hard time sleeping, so I’ve put together some helpful advice that might help you a little bit.
