Idleness is Your Ultimate Enemy

Sorry for the delay. Mum came to see me last week and I spent some time with her, not much time or feeling left for writing.

I didn’t feel like to do anything today. I have an interview tomorrow and I haven’t prepared it yet. It’s only two months from my job hunting season and I have done a shit preparation about it. To be honest, I am very scared. My fear for failure actually stops me from working hard. I know I shouldn’t do that. But I just keep sabotaging my life. I panic. How useless am I, always trying to find some safe and quiet places to hide myself. It is just me afraid of being laughed at by people and trying to escape from every challenge. But I also know I can’t do that. I must stand up and face it my self, hard or strong, sorrow or sadness. I must be brave and love myself.

这周没有想到任何有趣的issue讨论，反而自己一点生产力都没有。上班想偷懒，下班想睡觉。该学的没学，我都不知道我这样怎么找工作。要不得啊要不得啊，一定要加把劲。

心情有点不是很好，大概是还没清楚自己到底要做什么，没有什么确定的想法，就很难直接大步向前走。无论怎样，我一定要静下心来，好好努力，真的，老天爷是不会爱任何想着不劳而获的孩子的。