The Identity Asymptote
Amanda Roman

I don’t know if you are looking for advice, so if this is unwelcome you can ignore or blow off as needed. But here’s how I made it through the same mess as you:

I am me. I don’t dress like “women,” I dress like me. I have a body. I have a consistent reaction to that body. That reaction is very negative and affects my life such that I need an intervention of some kind. No amount of therapy has worked for longer than a few weeks.

I am now responding to those needs. Other people perceive my body differently, but it is still mine, and it does not cause me stress anymore. Listening to my body was a socially significant event that might be suitably made material by re-inventing my image (name, pronouns), but that is still wrapping to help people understand that I need this. It’s not negotiable. The cultural trappings may help communicate this but it is not “my identity” either; they are mere tools for communication.

Womanhood isn’t a protected title, despite the braying of anti-trans turds. You can eschew or proclaim it when you like and if you need. You don’t necessarily “need” to, though you will nonetheless find yourself constrained by that definition as other people’s perceptions of you shift.

I will say no person without gender dysphoria could go 8 months on hormone replacements. I don’t have to lecture you how much torture the “wrong” puberty is. Nor does the average cis person cry at the thought of becoming a grandparent in accordance to their assigned sex.

Regardless of how you contextualize or describe your experience, your experience is. real. — and that cannot be negotiated with.

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