Diary Entry, January 4, 2016*

It’s the fourth day of my quest and already I am struggling. I should have known this. I knew this. Wait. Before I get into my head… This is a diary styled entry. It’s a Monday, which can be busy days for me; two doctors and a visit with the parents. No excuse, just a reason stated.

I have forgotten or don’t care to look at a lot of my past. Nothing about my past was bad. That should read: I was not abused in any way. I have just been super sensitive my entire life. That has manifested itself in a lot of ways; largely, depression.

The end of November last year was ten years since my last attempt. I have heard of some celebrating this anniversary as a second birthday party. Mine came and went with no pomp or circumstance. I thought a lot about it. I hope no one else had to.

So, life has been hard for me due to extra sensitivity. I’m scared a lot. I worry more than that. I have learned some tools to deal with most of these extra effects from extra sensitivity. “I am a gigantic pussy.” is one of my many silent mantras. I battle the thoughts now instead of giving in.

I believe I have gone off course, but that is par for diary writing.

I wanted to mention that, since my past is largely forgotten, I have recently had some fun piecing my past together with some interest themes. They tell a lot about me!

  • girlfriends — I could roughly put together endings and beginnings to chart my life. Starting in ‘95.
  • MMORPGs — Funny! I could roughly chart my life with the endings and beginnings! Starting in ‘99.
  • Houses/Apartments — This is pretty obvious, but actually harder to remember, or less things written down about my living conditions. Starting with the move in ‘89.
  • Hospital visits — These are extensively written about in little notebooks, journals, and diaries throughout the years. Sadly I wrote a lot on a computer journal in Word I think. The last time I had that hard drive up and running, I realized I could not remember the password. Damnit!

And, since today’s entry devolved to Diary Style, I can end it as such…

I gotta get going! I did my thirty minutes today — WooHoo! Now I’m off to my second doctor! Bye! :) ;) >^_^<

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