How To Get Everyone To Like You?
As a kid, I grew up asking myself this question quite often. I was an awkward little kid. I was the third of five children, I interchanged between having a terrible stutter and a vicious neck-face twitch. I was really short and I was dark skin in a time where being lighter was preferred. It was pretty rough.
All these attributes made me one un-relatable kid. I grew up asking myself: “Why don’t people like me”. When I grew older, the question changed to “Why don’t Girls like me”. I was so obsessed with my lack of interpersonal skills that I dedicated most of my free time trying to figure out a solution. Of course, when I say ‘figure out’ I mean I wanted the entire solution fed to me on a silver spoon without having to do much interacting.
My hobby soon became an obsession and further down the rabbit hole I went. Eventually, I got to a point where my goal was to have the ability to decipher the human mind. Crazy, I know, but what else do you expect from a guy who was addicted to shows like Lie to Me and Sherlock/Elementary. It’s safe to say that I haven’t reached said goal (yet) but in my quest to decipher the mind I grew a new found appreciation for people that possessed them. And it was at this point that I found my formula.
Before we go any further, I would like to point out that my title was entirely misleading. It must be established that not everyone will like you. The fact is, there are way too many psychological, biological and environmental elements that could stop people from seeing your awesomeness. It would be naïve to think that everyone you meet will enjoy your company and appreciate you as a person. I do apologize for betraying you my dear friend but I knew you wouldn’t have taken my advice if I had titled it How to get the people that have the potential to like you to like you.
Now how does one figure out who the people that have the potential to like one are? Well, everyone has their own system to determine this. Some feel opposites attract, others feel like-for-like matches work best and some even use complex mathematical formulae with lots of variables. All these systems have their draws and drawbacks. Mine, however, is simple. The only way to find out if you have a shot at a good interpersonal relationship with someone is to actually interact with them. It’s mind-blowing, I know.
With that off my chest, I feel like I can now reveal my technique to get those that can like you, to like you. Let’s start with a movie quote. In the movie Revolver, Andre Benjamin’s character tells Jason Statham “If you change the rules on what controls you, you can change the rules on what you can control”. Essentially what this means is that if we want to change the world we have to change ourselves first. In order to do this, we must abandon our Alice like belief that if the world tells us we are wrong then they are wrong. In the real world, we work on relativity. So if the world tells you you’re wrong then chances are you’re wrong.
With all this in mind, we can officially start the sequence of events needed to maximize our interpersonal relationships. We start with the core idea of “If you want people to like you then you have to like people”. It’s as simple as that. It is very easy for any Tom, Dick and Harriet to spot someone who’s being disingenuous and it’s very difficult to fake genuineness. So if you want a specific individual to like you, you have to like them.
The next step is to let them know that you like them. It’s no use liking someone if you’re going to avoid them at all costs to avoid embarrassment. One has to interact with people in order to have an interpersonal relationship with them. Pretty basic math right? I say this praying to the gods that you will do this within reason because you also have to take a few things into consideration. Your environment, societal expectations and, oh I don’t know, morals. In some cultures, looking someone in the eyes is considered rude whereas in other cultures not looking someone in the eyes is considered rude too. So always take into consideration the cultural norms of this particular individual. Try to appropriately express your affection for this person with words and actions.
Sometimes a mere “I like you” won’t suffice. Some people desire physical contact and some don’t. You’ll just have to use your own discretion when deciding on which approach to use. I strongly suggest that you stick to your skill set when it comes to people. Use topics you enjoy talking about in conversation, for example.
The last but probably the most important trick is vulnerability. Whenever I explain this concept to people, I use hands to illustrate my point. If I put the tips of my fingers together, I have a connection that an electric current would recognize. The only problem is that it wouldn’t be a strong one. This connection could be easily broken if I tripped and needed to use my hands to break my fall. If my fingers were interlocked, however, I would have a harder time breaking the connection to break my fall. Now I want you to think of the tips of your fingers as being your best qualities and the troughs in between them as your most vulnerable points. Only by exposing these to one another, do we have an opportunity to make a really strong connection.
My point is that you’re going to have to open up to form the strongest possible connections. Once you’ve mastered these tricks, you won’t need material possessions to make people like you. You’ll just be considered agreeable by a lot of those who have the potential to find you agreeable. Good luck to you, my dear friends, and may the gods be with you.
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