are flashbacks nightmares if you see them when you sleep

I am standing in a field, colourless,
shivering, and empty,
 Oh so Empty

There are spiders in my throat again — 
I am at the hospital where my mother was diagnosed with cancer
I am picking up my psychiatric medicine for the first time
I fall in love
 I get a drink

I want to close my eyes and understand universal darkness, 
 ignore for a moment that I will never truly forget a moment. I have heard
in Dreams we truly live 
but the code deciding my fate seems to be more inclined
to relive the past than experience the present.

Freudian analysis can only go so far. After a certain point
a dream is no longer a dream 
if it is an entire existence.

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