New Meh

America is having fun with math.

Oh those fractious fractions. Seems like everyone wants to make everything add up.

But whole numbers are protesting. And decimals, well let’s just forget about them. They’re too partial by nature and they never vote anyway.

Then there’s the odd ones and even twos.

It’s all so binary.

Red.

Blue.

If only there was a solution, a formula that we all agreed on.

The Republicans say that half of Trump’s supporters = 47% of voters.

Um, no.

That would mean that Trump voters = 94% of voters. In no distrumpian future is that true.

Although true may no longer be true

(note to self: check on the health of truth)

And Democrats say that calling half of Trump’s supporters “deplorables” = nothing.

Ah, no. And even if you equivocate about the “half” it is still a part of some number. Dividing by zero works about as well as studying after the test.

But you might get away with it.

After all, America is really not good at math.

For example, how many red states does it take to equal one New York City?

show your work

This might be why red can feel so blue.

But don’t feel bad America. In one of the commercials that runs every 15 minutes or so, a drug company tells us that their product has six times the whatever, and then goes on to tell us “six is greater than one“.

Apparently we need to be told that.

So the next time all these number thingies invade your consciousness, and you wonder what it all means and if you even count, don’t worry, America. There’s an online college course from a famous university that will gladly teach you everything you need to know about New Meh.

And that’s something you can count on.

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Originally published at stupidiousness.com on September 13, 2016.