How Sweet She Is

by Gail Rae-Garwood

For 12 years, sweet Ms. Bella has positioned herself just inside my office door as I wrote, researched, edited, and formatted. For 12 years, sweet Ms. Bella has greeted me as effusively when I returned from a trip to the mailbox as she did when I returned from a trip to Alaska. For 12 years, sweet Ms. Bella has shared one sided conversations with me about any and everything. For 12 years, sweet Ms. Bella has adored me as no other being on earth ever has.

I’ll miss that. Sweet Ms. Bella crossed what I’m told is called The Rainbow Bridge this morning. .. and it was my decision. I’ve known for months that she had lymphedema. First we tried this. Then we tried that. And finally there was nothing else left to try. I am oh-so-sad without my boon companion, but it was time. She knew it and I knew it. May your soul come back to me, my sweet Ms. Bella.

I’ve been sad for a while knowing that I would have to make this decision and wondering how I would know when she’d had enough. I watched…and watched…and watched, yet she made it perfectly clear when her legs wouldn’t hold her up anymore and her cancerous lymph nodes started to impede her eating. She is at rest now.

What have I done to my kidneys with all this sadness, I wondered. I don’t know via my lab reports because I was just tested last Thursday and didn’t know about sweet Ms. Bella’s cancer when my blood and urine were tested three months ago. So I did what I could to find out: I researched.

I found this on the National Kidney Foundation’s site at https://www.kidney.org/news/newsroom/nr/depression-kd:

“New York, NY (July 1, 2012) — People with kidney disease who have symptoms of depression may be on the fast track to dialysis, hospitalization or death, according to a new study published in the July issue of the American Journal of Kidney Diseases, the official journal of the National Kidney Foundation.”

But I’m not depressed; I’m sad. Well, what’s the difference? I turned to my old buddy WebMD for some help here:

“….Also known as clinical depression, major depressive disorder, or unipolar depression, major depression is a medical condition that goes beyond life’s ordinary ups and downs. Almost 18.8 million American adults experience depression each year, and women are nearly twice as likely as men to develop major depression. People with depression cannot simply ‘pull themselves together’ and get better. Treatment with counseling, medication, or both is key to recovery.”

Since I’m one of those people who always manage to get myself back together — and fairly quickly — I’d say I’m not depressed. I do suggest you read more about depression at http://www.webmd.com/depression/is-it-depression-or-the-blues if this strikes a chord with you.

So let’s go back to sadness and the kidneys. This is from a 5/21/14 article on a site that’s new to me: Medical Daily at http://www.medicaldaily.com/can-powerful-emotions-kill-you-negative-health-effects-anger-stress-sadness-and-shock-283682:

“’It’s called heartbreak for a reason. When you’re experiencing deep grief or sadness, it takes a toll on your health, too. One study from St. George’s University of London found that it is actually possible to die of a broken heart — bereavement increases your risk of a heart attack or stroke by nearly double after a partner’s death, the researchers discovered. We often use the term a ‘broken heart’ to signify the pain of losing a loved one and our study shows that bereavement can have a direct effect on the health of the heart,’ Dr. Sunil Shah, senior lecturer in public health at St. George’s, said in a press release.”

There’s a firm connection between heart health and kidney health. This is from SlowItDownCKD 2015:

“We’re used to reading about anemia and high blood pressure as the connection between CKD and Heart Disease, but here are two other causes.

DaVita at http://www.davita.com/kidney-disease/overview/symptoms-and- diagnosis/ chronic-kidney-disease-and-your-heart/e/4730 once again jumps in to educate us:

‘High homocysteine levels: Damaged kidneys cannot remove extra homocysteine, an amino acid in the blood. High levels of homocysteine can lead to coronary artery disease, stroke and heart attack.

Calcium-phosphate levels: Damaged kidneys cannot keep calcium and phosphorus levels in balance. Often, there’s too much phosphorus and calcium in the blood. When this happens, there’s a risk for coronary artery disease.’”

Hmmm, just by having Chronic Kidney Disease, we run the risk of heart problems. Now sadness — maybe ‘deep grief’ is a more apt description — may add to that risk. As much as I love sweet Ms. Bella and will miss her, I can’t honestly say this is true for me. It feels like there’s a big difference between deep grief and sadness.

Just to make certain the difference between depression and sadness is clear, I’m repeating this information from The Book of Blogs: Moderate Stage Chronic Kidney Disease, Part 2:

“Make The Connection, a veterans’ support site tells us

‘Not everyone with depression has the same symptoms or feels the same way. One person might have difficulty sitting still, while another may FullSizeRender (3)find it hard to get out of bed each day. Other symptoms that may be signs of depression or may go along with being depressed include:

Feeling sad or hopeless

Losing interest in or not getting pleasure from most of your daily activities

Gaining or losing weight

Eating. more or less than usual almost every day

Sleeping. too much or not enough almost every day

Feeling restless and unable to sit still

Feeling that moving takes great effort

Feeling tired or as if you have no. energy almost every day

Feeling unworthy or guilty nearly every day

Having low self-esteem or feeling down on yourself

Finding it hard to focus, remember things, or make decisions nearly every dayIMG_2982

Feeling anxious, worried, or nervous

Drinking more alcohol or caffeine

Taking more of a prescription or over-the-medication than as directed

Smoking or using tobacco more often’”

It doesn’t look like my short term sadness is worsening my kidneys in any way, but if you’re not sure whether you need help with yours, or if it is truly depression, seek help. It can’t hurt to be careful.

I’m certain sweet Ms. Bella is not suffering anymore and that is already doing wonders for my peace of mind… and my sadness.

Until next week,

Keep living your life!

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